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I Don't Think Neurotypicals Understand What We Autistics Mean By Accommodate to Us Who Are Autistic

enflores3000

I think people who are neurotypical don't honestly get what we Autistics are asking when it comes to us asking to be accommodated to and I feel it has to do with the brainwashing they to over complicate and over think things.

Like I don't think us who are Autistic are asking a lot of people, yeah there are things beyond our control, like the other day I went to a reenactment and they had some loud noises with guns and cannons going off which was a sensory overload for me.

I mean for me to have a function relationship with me is simple:

  1. Don't say things you don't mean. I get there is things that happen, for example, you want to go to the store but your car isn't working so you can't, that's one thing.
  2. Don't be a hypocrite and have double standards and get upset with me for doing the same thing you were doing. Like for example, my friend is upset that I talked to people and showed them a private conversation between us and yet they went and brought their friends into things long before me. Told me not to tell anyone but it's okay for him to, but I'm the problem...
  3. Don't assume things about me and make me like I am neurotypicals. I'm not neurotypical so my way of thinking isn't the way of thinking like other neurotypicals. Like for example, I've been accused of having a "hidden agenda" or like I'm some vindictive person trying to hurt people when that's not the case, I am either very upset because I don't feel heard or I'm telling my side of the story and showing the evidence to back me up so people know I'm not lying.
  4. Have your actions meet your words. Like if people say they understand, show me you understand.
  5. Don't put words in my mouth that I don't say. If I'm not saying it, then I don't mean that.
  6. Compromise with me so we both can get what we want, don't make it where it is one trying to force the other to do just what they want.

How is stuff like this hard for neurotypicals to conform to just so I can function? What about anyone else? What is it that you need accommodated that neurotypicals don't seem to understand?

Parents
  • enflores3000 said:
    How is stuff like this hard for neurotypicals to conform to just so I can function?

    It sounds like you are directing a lot of blame at almost everyone else for not changing themselves to accommodate you. That’s just not a winning strategy.

  • in reply to Deleted User

    I understand a lifetime of difficulties can lead to frustration and resentment but as humans we have to meet each other somewhere in the middle. ie understand a bit where the other is coming from, which might be completely different to ourselves. Regardless of our brain wiring.  In essence, I agree with you.

  • in reply to Deleted User

    I agree. Had you spoken to me when I was 20 years old (and didn’t know I was autistic) you would have probably found me very resentful about how people in general treated me.

    Time has taught me that I can’t expect the entire world to fundamentally change itself to suit me, which makes me a little sad but it’s also realistic. But I’ve also realised - particularly since diagnosis - that the people who actually matter in our lives generally will try to understand. If they don’t, they probably shouldn’t be people who matter in our lives.

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  • in reply to Deleted User

    I agree. Had you spoken to me when I was 20 years old (and didn’t know I was autistic) you would have probably found me very resentful about how people in general treated me.

    Time has taught me that I can’t expect the entire world to fundamentally change itself to suit me, which makes me a little sad but it’s also realistic. But I’ve also realised - particularly since diagnosis - that the people who actually matter in our lives generally will try to understand. If they don’t, they probably shouldn’t be people who matter in our lives.

Children
  • in reply to Deleted User

    Yes as we go through life, we learn. We didn't have access to such wealth of information when we were younger either to make sense of things. Once I changed my expectations of people, life became easier. This isn't to say to be walked over - one can still have boundaries. But if we expect and judge others based on ourselves we will most often be disappointed. Once I became aware most people communicate differently and how, I've been able to adjust myself to them. This has led to more calmness.

    Those who mind don't matter. Those who matter don't mind.

  • in reply to Deleted User
    Deleted User said:
    I can’t expect the entire world to fundamentally change itself to suit me, which makes me a little sad but it’s also realistic.

    I do agree with that, I don't expect the entire world to accommodate to me but I do expect those who at least care about me to accommodate to me. My own family disowned me cause they didn't want to "deal with me", and before that gripped about how no therapist could tell them how to and it's like "You never asked and when you went in you always complained about me and got my therapist on your side as if I am the problem." I just don't get it... I didn't ask to be Autistic and I'm not asking for much. My mother always did this thing where she would ask me to go to one store with her and I'd prepare myself for how long that would take and then when we're almost there, she would add that we would need to go to all these other places and she knew it bothered me and she'd still do it. Nice to show she cared.