Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello, I’ve just joined this site and hoping for some advice. My son is 23 and has a number of autistic traits which , as he’s got older are increasing. His sixth form head flagged up some concerns when my son was 16. Our doctor wasn’t interested, said it was down to the school to refer him, the school said it was down to his doctor. We got nowhere so decided to leave things and see how our son got on as he became an adult. His dad and I are very concerned and have tried several times to discuss the possibility of autism with him, in a subtle way I might add. He won’t even consider the idea and in his words said “I’m not retarded and I don’t have a disease and I don’t want to be labelled”. He’s very intelligent but sits in his room, door and window shut, blind shutting out any light, has no friends, no real interests, has routines, eats the same few meals, all dry food. He’s done some online courses which is great but I can’t see him ever getting a job. He can speak quite eloquently and formally when he occasionally has to but otherwise is monosyllabic, non empathetic and makes little eye contact. I don’t know what to do. His dad and I are divorced and my son lives with me, though sees his dad all the time. I can’t force him to get help, but he can’t live in his room forever, I worry so much about him. Apologies for rambling post but I’d appreciate any opinions and advice. Thank you.
Hi, I'm 27 now and I was only diagnosed as autistic at age 25. A diagnosis can be really helpful in terms of better understanding yourself. It can also allow you to get reasonable adjustments at work or university. However, sadly a diagnosis is not going to get you any additional support from the NHS or any specialised counselling. You mention 'him getting help' but I just want to make sure you realise that there is almost no support or provision for autistic adults so that you don't end up disappointed (as I was). For me it was really helpful to get a diagnosis as it helped me understand myself better. I have now for the first time also had a few therapy sessions with a counsellor experienced in working with neurodivergent individuals (and who is neurodivergent himself), but I have had to fund this privately and I probably will not be able to keep having sessions for financial reasons.
It sounds like your son has a lot of misconceptions about what it means to be autistic- Do you think it might be helpful for him to connect to some other autistic individuals on this forum or to watch some videos on the autistic experience (I'm sure some other forum members will be able to recommend some resources). Being autistic is not 'a disease' and I have plenty of autistic friends who are leading happy lives, have degrees and even PhDs. It does bring added challenges and it can help to know why you are different so that you don't blame yourself. I think a big part of it is realising what the stressors in your life are and avoiding those you can avoid and also just letting yourself be yourself more. Having a diagnosis can help with this and it can make you feel less alone. But it's not a 'solution' or going to get you any specialised help.