Is it getting a little bit boring around here?

I don’t need to learn about the autistic nervous system I have one. I have all kinds of anxiety responses peculiar peeves and I learn to suppress them because I need to to function in society and to be a rational human being.

dogs are an excellent example if I had my way I would much prefer to live in a society where pet dogs were not a thing. Maybe allow guide dogs and nothing else. They make me un easy because you can’t have a conversation with one you can’t tell one no. If a bloke at a bar comes sniffing up my crotch or clambering onto my lap and I push him across the room everybody understands my actions are reasonable if it’s a dog however I am the bad guy.

when a little yappy dog is barking at my heels my instinct is to kick it. Not because I’m a cruel person who hates animals but because it makes me uneasy and I want it away from me and it won’t go away just because I tell it to. I have learnt to rationally suppress my instincts.

my mother is buried in a cemetery where people walk their dogs. and when I see people letting their dogs off the lead and allowing them to run across the cemetery over peoples graves I find it disrespectful. I have yet to go up and give someone a strongly worded lecture about doing this.

there comes a point where you must recognise you need more basis than simply your feelings to justify infringing upon other peoples option to do things like own dogs and take them out for a walk. Or tell people they can’t make controversial statements because they make you feel bad.

and I’ve not even been bitten by a dog what about the people who have actually been traumatised by dog attacks shall we ban all dogs from parks to make them more comfortable. shall we ban all dogs period so that they can walk down the street without ever having to come into contact with one? there are limits to how far peoples personal freedoms should be curtailed for the sake of other peoples emotions.

Take5 said:

This place has been great for me and I like sharing ideas to help others also. 

Glad you enjoy this autistic community so much, so do I!

Take5 said:

having confrontation on here would probably see me disappear for a while. 

Yes I agree, I think we should try to make our autistic community as safe and as accepting as possible. This is especially important given that many of us including myself experience misunderstandings, rejection, invalidation and isolation every day in offline spaces. I think we should really support each other.

You are welcome!

yes it makes sense thankyou. i like to be safe i agree

Peter used ‘x’ as an example of reasons why members of our community might post. For example ‘I am upset because of x’ could mean….

‘I am upset because of a family arguments or conflict with a friend etc….

and many other things!

Does this make sense?

what is x ? iam confused

Peter said:

When your feelings have veto power over your brain that's very definatly being oversensative. Let me give you an example. I once lost my ticket and a car park barier. I was searching and serching for a minuet or two when I have this women tapping on my window

This example is not comparable to the fact that there is huge diversity within our autistic and that obviously comes with a wide range of life experiences. One cannot judge someone else to be over sensitive when we hardly know anything about their lived experiences, not to mention that this assumption completely invalidates and dismisses someone’s feelings.

Another important point to make is the fact that there is such a high overlap between experiencing trauma and being autistic rates of trauma amongst our community are extremely high and as a result we need to look after each other. I know that not every member of our neurokin will feel the same way about responsibility but one way in which we can look after each other is to be mindful of topics that may be triggering or controversial.

Emotional responses are triggered by a threatened nervous system, there is no such thing as being over sensitive when our nervous system is literally designed to keep us alive. If you want to learn more about the autistic nervous system and stress responses I think it would help you understand who you deem to be ‘over sensitive’ people.

Ausomely Autistic said:

I know when I first joined here, it was the first time I felt understood and that is invaluable.

This is why and what I use this forum for. I personally have far to much debating and disagreement in my day to day life, having confrontation on here would probably see me disappear for a while. 
Having said that I have noticed that things aren’t quite as they were on here and couldn’t really put my finger on it. 
This place has been great for me and I like sharing ideas to help others also. 

Personally myself, I like everything as it is. I think it's nice that people, irrespective of their duration here can seek advice whenever they need it. It's quite rewarding in it's own right.

Let's just appreciate this forum for what it is. I do. 

there is a distinction between ‘being a d**k’ as you put it and telling people things that they don’t agree with and that they don’t want to hear.

there is a limit to how much emotional and mental labour One can be expected to put in to try and find a form of words that clearly articulates what you want to say without upsetting people.

especially when you realise that for many things you might want to say there is no form of words that will adequately communicate what you want to say without upsetting people.

there are too many oversensitive people for whom there is no way to tell them something they do not want to hear that does not cause a massive offence. It’s far too easy to wear yourself out, even to the point of a meltdown, beating around the bush trying to avoid offending people. Or worse you end up giving up and not talking to anyone about anything of any consequence ever.

On balance it’s simply better to accept that every now and then oversensitive people will be offended.

We can choose how we engage and respond. We can do this mindfully while taking other people's feelings into account. I see it as - one can't go around being a d I c k to others and then blaming it on them when they get offended. My opinion is also - I am not responsible for how other people respond to me as we are all autonomous beings but I do have a duty to be kind to others. 

Ausomely Autistic said:

There is no such thing as being over sensitive , it’s very common for many members of our autistic community including myself to feel things very deeply. This can be both beautiful and distressing depending on the context, we need to be mindful of this.

I respectfully disagree. When your feelings have veto power over your brain that's very definatly being oversensative. Let me give you an example. I once lost my ticket and a car park barier. I was searching and serching for a minuet or two when I have this women tapping on my window. Of course I'm apologetic I reasure her that I'm certain it is in the car and I'll find it soon. But this mad women starts ranting and raving at me that she will be late to pick up her child from school which means he will be abducted and raped and it will all be my fault and if I don't reverse up with 3 story long off ramp to let her past right now I will be responcable for her child being the headline story on the 9 o clock news.

Obviously the reality is that at worse some poor teacher will have to be 5 or 10 minuets late at work waiting for her to pick up her son. But emotion had short circuted her brain. When over sensativity devorces emotion from reasion and prevents you from ankowledging that other points of view exist you have crossed over to a level of irationality that should not be respected or coddeled.

Unknown said:

Take responsibility for your actions.

Sexist, racist, homophobic and anti trans members etc etc are here and thriving on this forum.

These opinions are thriving in the real world too. In part because for years people have been too busy trying to sideline and ignore these voices instead of chalenging them in argument. If your best responce to a distastful opinion is, 'you are a bad person to belive what you do and you should be quiet,' you are just throwing fuel on the fire. If our sociaty doesn't start adressing controversial opinions and sorting out the credible concerns from the bigotry then sooner or later the biggots will run the country and how do you think those sensative easily triggered souls will feel then?

Bringing these issues up is what responcability looks like. Exposing people to unplesent or inconvenient truths is the responcable thing to do.

Peter said:

Yes ... well respectufully I don't care that they got upset. People get upset at all kinds of irational things.

It’s not irrational to get upset about upsetting or controversial content or posts, it’s only natural. We all have different needs and we need to respect that some members of our autistic community may find the discussion of certain topics triggering.

Peter said:

Oversensative souls need graded exposure therapy to contoversy and conflict which we are providing in this relativly safe online space. I mean no matter what they think of us they know we can't jump out of the screen and bite them.

There is no such thing as being over sensitive , it’s very common for many members of our autistic community including myself to feel things very deeply. This can be both beautiful and distressing depending on the context, we need to be mindful of this.

Some individuals left the forum because they didn't like what I said.  I felt guilty.

Yes ... well respectufully I don't care that they got upset. People get upset at all kinds of irational things. I knew one person that used to have issues with rooms with red walls because of past traumatic experences. Oversensative souls need graded exposure therapy to contoversy and conflict which we are providing in this relativly safe online space. I mean no matter what they think of us they know we can't jump out of the screen and bite them.

Our idea of fun is different from others'.

Shardovan said:

It just requires the right conditions.

Yes and I think wanting something to be a certain way doesn't help.

Miss it when it isnt here, enjoy it when it is.

I also think, in this day and age (I'm not really talking about the forum), people are not given the opportunity to be bored. It's perfectly fine to be bored, it's part of the human condition.

Sometimes when I find myself bored (which is rare - I like a life of 'classic plainness'!) I try to remember a quote from a episode of Northern Exposure: 'You're bored because you're boring' and then I try to assess if I have indeed become so and what might be done. 

Having said that, I do think the forum has lost some of its fun and vitality of late. I think things go in phases/cycles though, and maybe those heady days of patterned randomness (all time highlight: Sparkly's Microwave Dinner thread) sparking unexpectedly oblique ways into communicating, without siloed effort, our individualities may return again. It just requires the right conditions. Time will tell,.. it always does. 

Boring is good.

• In the past I have posted controversial opinions, 
• Current affairs.
• News items related to autism.

People got upset.

Quick simple answer to question....YES!

I think that the forum platform / technology doesn't help with its limitations and that can make the place become a mass of regurgitated same old questions and issues.

Having said that, I think that especially with people about to have or recently had a diagnosis, the whole world of Autism can be very daunting and distressing. This place is as much theirs as it is yours or mine.

I tend not to post much (certainly way less than many others) for a number of reasons.
One of those reasons being my lack of interest in many of the topics/themes such as "What is your favourite [insert item here]?"
Maybe I'm that older generation that doesn't use social media / forums for that kind of things.
Not wanting to offend anyone, but to me those sort of threads do not help me in any way whatsoever with my living with autism.They serve no purpose to answer important questions about out autism. 
To me they seem rather childish and sometimes posted just for the sake of posting something!

But then I understand that some people with autism have deep interests in what could be considered (certainly in mainstream NT world) as things that are aimed / marketed with children as the intended audience. And those people have as much right to post about their thing whether that be Pokemon, Disney, My Little Pony, etc as as I do about a topic that may be of special interest to me.

I could go on and on, but will leave it at that....for now.