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I'm 52 and only just asking the question...

Mark

I have been in counselling for years since my divorce threw me massively.  I am a boarding school survivor and I have a tendency to withdraw (or shut down) when I feel overwhelmed by challenging situations.  I have been told I appear to display ADHD symptoms although I watched the Chris Packham documentary  on the BBC this morning and for some reason I got very emotional.  I actually cried, sat on my own at 0530 watching this program.  I don't know if ti is because I related so much to the masking and that I also feel I am not able to really be myself or if I was just being empathetic.

I am going through the process of ADHD diagnosis although I could still be six years away from even getting an appointment.  At 52, this scares me.

I also worry that I am just a bad person, who zones out of conversations and refuses to engage when I am feeling anxious and that I am trying to find a diagnosis that will make me feel better about being a knob.

I really enjoy spending time on my own where I don't need to pretend to be anyone else and although I enjoy being in a relationship, wonder if I can have both?  I am a fidgeter and this is a real source of frustration for my partner.

One key thing I do is when I am working on my car, I can put a tool down and what feels like five seconds later, I cannot find it again and it has taken me 30 minutes then to find it and I have not been anywhere.  I am also terrible for bouncing from one task to another to another and another...  I once worked on my own in a department with three computers on the desk tops and had all three running with several projects ongoing on each one.  

I am going through job applications after being made redundant in January and every one of the applications ask me if I have any disabilities I want to declare and to me it feels like a trap!

Just wanting to start a conversation here...

I have considered going private but the documentary recently that uncovered the eager diagnosis in order to make money from prescription medicine has made me wary.  I am not interested in a diagnosis just for medication.