Published on 12, July, 2020
I've only recently been diagnosed with autism (last November). The reason I became interested in the possibility is that I have been struggling with anxiety and depression for well over a decade. One of the reasons I've been struggling has been a profound fear of death. And a strong dissatisfaction with Reality and desire for there to be something transcending it that will fill what now seems, at present, to be a completely unsolvable yearning deep within the heart of me.
I should quickly add that I respect all faiths and also atheist viewpoints. But I've spoken to vicars and philosophers, heard from the religious (from all kinds of faiths), the spiritual, researching in great detail why they believe what they do... and I've spoken to none-believers and how they find meaning and purpose in the face of death.
And have had TWO therapists, who tried to help me with the issue.
Thus far, nothing has helped. I want 'faith' but can't find any evidence strong enough to make me believe or overcome my innate skepticism. And- with much respect towards those for whom this works- the numerous ideas that comfort and bring meaning to nonbelievers simply don't work for me. Life that ends in oblivion and where this hunger within is never answered, seems to me- personally, I'm aware this is probably very different for many of you- to be devoid of anything worth existing for.
I've had much advice along the lines of, 'have you tried not caring?' or 'have you tried finding value in something else instead?' but, while I'm open to trying new things, obviously what I can't change is my very shape of my heart. How easy life would be if we could just choose not to care about things (you'd never have a worry again!) or if we could choose what it is we want.
It's all very upsetting- but I feel like I've run out of ways of attempting to solve this problem and it's feeling very hopeless.
Can anyone relate? What can I do?
Oh my darling. There most definitely is life after death. I've been privileged to sense and hear and pass on messages from the after life. Your loved ones who have passed are with you and want you to be comforted by this knowledge. I don't believe, I KNOW. And faith is just that, faith in what the universe gives you , however difficult, is how it's supposed to be. Faith cannot be proven. Believe in yourself and your own universal energy. I would recommend going to a spiritualist church service and making some contacts with genuine people who can do a reading for you. Most of them offer spiritual healing sessions for a donation or a small fee. Healing includes emotional healing as well as physical. I can't imagine you would ever regret it. We are spiritual beings living in a physical world which is temporary. The spiritual world is home. I've touched it and I didn't want to come back. I'm not afraid of death. It's just another chapter in your soul's eternal existence.
In light and love my friend.