Published on 12, July, 2020
I asked this question elsewhere else recently but I thought I’d ask here too as I’m curious.
I got into a bit of an argument with a friend recently due to a misunderstanding between ourselves. We were talking about something personal and then a couple of days later she messaged me to say that I made her feel bad because I apparently got “defensive” as we were talking.
I was really confused by this because I didn’t think I *was* being defensive (still don’t) but obviously that’s how I came across to her. Anyway, it got me wondering if this was an autistic thing and apparently it is. I read a blog post from an autistic woman saying how our facial expressions and tone of voice can be mismatched with our real feelings, so in a NT orientated world we are often misunderstood based on these things alone. It would explain why so many autistic get accused of being “rude” when they aren’t.
Has anyone else experienced anything like this?
When one has had a lifetime of people constantly telling you that you are not thinking or behaving in the correct manner, as defined by them, which is probably the experience of many autistic people, then it is hardly surprising that it results in an element of defensiveness becoming an almost default response to any sort of conflict or disagreement.
The accusation of 'defensiveness' does seem to be quite trendy at the moment, and could be interpreted as a power play, seeking to diminish the other person, trying to put them back in their box so that they do not have the temerity to defy them again, and blaming them for any tension. I watched The Traitors recently and it was comical how often someone would wrongly accuse another competitor of being a traitor, and then would follow it up with "You are being suspiciously defensive" when they attempted to put the record straight and explain that they were not!
I too get accused of being defensive on any given day. My Nt partner is very often offensive and doesn’t really understand me. I just refuse not to be offended and as I always say everyone has the right to defend themselves. Having said that I can be very sensitive so I probably on some occasions take offence even if it’s not intended. Oh and I’m stubborn. I should probably get back in my box now.
Upvoted, for making me smile...
My next audible to listen to is Games people play as recommended by you I Sperg. I’m sure there would be some reference to being defensive in there surely??