Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi there,
i hope you are able to help. I’m in a relationship with a partner who has had an adult diagnosis for AuDHD- he has been diagnosed with what used to be known as Asperger’s, as well as with ADHD. We have known each other for a really long time (almost 30 decades) and have been in a relationship when we were young adults and prior to his diagnosis. Our current relationship is relatively new - and naturally followed a supportive and growing friendship following his diagnosis. It has started really well, loving and supportive, but lately it has been quite difficult due to misunderstandings in communication, although there are other personal factors that put strain on it. We love each other deeply and I am just looking for advice on how to be a supportive and loving partner to someone with an adult autism diagnosis, in a way which does not treat him as an invalid, but which validates and respects his individuality. How do we discuss our individual needs without making them feel like demands? Any general help and suggestions would be very helpful. Thank you so much!
In a similar situation, married for 18 years only diagnoses at 50,4 years ago. I think much patience is needed on both parts. My wife now knows that some things that previously annoyed here are my ASD. Like me hating to be asked just to pick up something at the shops on the way home, I can't do last minuite anything. Like me not seeing house work that needs doing as I am too involved doing something else. I make sure I have one weekend day with nothing going on that we spend together with nothing, or little planned. It helps that we both have busy interests that take up much time so we are not always with each other. I would give your partnet time to process things and not demand aimmiedate answer as you will get pushback and maybe a diffrent answer in a few hours. We are both still learning about things and will probably always be. I had a massive meltdown in 2020 when I lost my dad around the lockdowns and my mum had to go into care, it broke me. Thats when you really need somebody to be there for you.
Rob