I was unfairly banned from many pubs/bars

HI Roswell, One thing that I see is that you are trying to drop into the middle of an intense NT situation without any building up to it. There needs to be a gradual approach and perhaps a different venue.

   This is such a terrifying thing to do for many of us. I have found some solutions over the years and with work it gets better.

  If it's a social setting like a pub, find a small group, but not an obvious couple on their own. Or sit and look interesting and wait for someone to approach you, writing in a notebook is intriguing, for example. Or join in an activity like bocci, darts, trivia nights, bowling, reading group, detectoring.

     Once you've made contact. Talk about the other person. Ask after their happiness and well being sorts of things. Be a good listener and see how they communicate, study them. learn from them. The gift of gab is not everyone's, but being a good listener is easy if your think of it all as research. 

      Ask questions--not too personal --like, do you like this or that, or know a good billiard hall/ theater/library/book store, etc. don't talk for too long and give them time to answer --and listen without judgement. This is a really hard one, the judgement (for me). Just suspend it and think how we are all so different in how we think. Keep exploring and failing and learning and you will get better at it and sometimes succeed. Look for common ground and build on that.

       I wouldn't go to a pub, myself. I would go to a place that is interesting to me personally, or is all about self improvement like a gym, or library, lecture, allotment, com-i-con etc. There, I will find people already interested in the things I'm interested in.

     Some place where you are more likely to find people who share your interests is a good start. The big thing is to cultivate listening skills and know when you've been speaking for too long or short. ask a person you already know to help you with this  back and forth, if need be.

   I have been really fortunate to make one NT friend who was very supportive and helps me navigate a lot of these thorn bush-like social settings for me and is a buffer in baffling group situations.

HI Roswell, One thing that I see is that you are trying to drop into the middle of an intense NT situation without any building up to it. There needs to be a gradual approach and perhaps a different venue.

   This is such a terrifying thing to do for many of us. I have found some solutions over the years and with work it gets better.

  If it's a social setting like a pub, find a small group, but not an obvious couple on their own. Or sit and look interesting and wait for someone to approach you, writing in a notebook is intriguing, for example. Or join in an activity like bocci, darts, trivia nights, bowling, reading group, detectoring.

     Once you've made contact. Talk about the other person. Ask after their happiness and well being sorts of things. Be a good listener and see how they communicate, study them. learn from them. The gift of gab is not everyone's, but being a good listener is easy if your think of it all as research. 

      Ask questions--not too personal --like, do you like this or that, or know a good billiard hall/ theater/library/book store, etc. don't talk for too long and give them time to answer --and listen without judgement. This is a really hard one, the judgement (for me). Just suspend it and think how we are all so different in how we think. Keep exploring and failing and learning and you will get better at it and sometimes succeed. Look for common ground and build on that.

       I wouldn't go to a pub, myself. I would go to a place that is interesting to me personally, or is all about self improvement like a gym, or library, lecture, allotment, com-i-con etc. There, I will find people already interested in the things I'm interested in.

     Some place where you are more likely to find people who share your interests is a good start. The big thing is to cultivate listening skills and know when you've been speaking for too long or short. ask a person you already know to help you with this  back and forth, if need be.

   I have been really fortunate to make one NT friend who was very supportive and helps me navigate a lot of these thorn bush-like social settings for me and is a buffer in baffling group situations.

Uhane said:

I wouldn't go to a pub, myself. I would go to a place that is interesting to me personally, or is all about self improvement like a gym, or library, lecture, allotment, com-i-con etc. There, I will find people already interested in the things I'm interested in.

That makes sense. At least, you will have an interest in common to talk about.