Autistic vs Non-Autistic communication style

I'm glad I came across this post. I am diagnosed as autistic, but the communication part of autism confuses me and then makes me question my autism diagnosis. I mean I have been reading Dr Lake Beardons book and I actually commented that I felt like it was a biography of my life based on a lot of whats written in there. But in terms of communication the examples I've seen floating around such as "is this seat taken?" I would instantly either say a single yes or no to someone. However in my mind I'm actually thinking what do you think, what a stupid question. But I never say out loud what I think, only to those I am 100% comfortable around, which is like less than the fingers on one hand. It makes me question whether I've masked for so long that I've learned the language of the NT's. If that makes sense? I do do something that I think is unique to me though (I could be wrong), I make up words or I deliberately say words wrong and try to make them sound cute. For example when saying my phone battery has died, I sometimes say its die-did. Or I will purposely say feets instead of feet.

Rainbow Pixie said:

It makes me question whether I've masked for so long that I've learned the language of the NT's. If that makes sense?

Yes probably you are right.

Also many of us including myself have an interest in wordplay and language more generally. I love how certain words feel on my tongue!

In terms of communication styles I often automatically interpret language literally it’s just that other people may not know as I may not voice it. For example, if someone asks a question like can I take your seat and it is already empty, that’s a stupid question. However sometimes I don’t voice my opinion as non autistic people sometimes think that I am too blunt or direct and don’t know how to respond to me.

 I am a very literal, honest and direct communicator that’s obviously because I am autistic and therefore I love to deep dive in conversation topics as opposed to surface level small talk. Many non autistic people communicate via lots of vague hints which complicates interactions, whereas we (especially me) get straight to the point.

You might enjoy this meme:

That meme did make me chuckle. The thing is with me the more I read about autism and communication the more I think about it and realise actually yes I do do this or I do that etc. But I think my problem is I just don't see it half the time. When I talk to my husband he will actually say to me you do actually take things literally, you do this and that etc, then it makes me realise for examples from my memories. I called it my ratatouille moment. (The pixar film when the critic eats food that sends him to a moment in time). 

I think ultimately that when it comes to communication I'm just blind to seeing what issues I have, but I think that's because I don't see it as an issue, but rather other people if they don't get me.

I hope this all makes sense, some days my mind races away and feels scatty so my grammar and speech can be difficult to read and understand. (I call it a stutter, but no sound comes out mid sentence as I forget words or sometimes get first letters mixed up on words).

Rainbow Pixie said:

I hope this all makes sense, some days my mind races away and feels scatty so my grammar and speech can be difficult to read and understand. (I call it a stutter, but no sound comes out mid sentence as I forget words or sometimes get first letters mixed up on words).

That’s ok, don’t worry!

Rainbow Pixie said:

That meme did make me chuckle. The thing is with me the more I read about autism and communication the more I think about it and realise actually yes I do do this or I do that etc. But I think my problem is I just don't see it half the time. When I talk to my husband he will actually say to me you do actually take things literally, you do this and that etc, then it makes me realise for examples from my memories. I called it my ratatouille moment. (The pixar film when the critic eats food that sends him to a moment in time). 

That’s great, I found the meme funny too!

Given you liked the meme I shared, you may enjoy the discussion below entirely about memes related to our autistic experiences:

https://community.autism.org.uk/f/miscellaneous-and-chat/32036/autistic-memes/344283#344283

 I understand what you mean when you say you don’t recognise your communication differences. But then again why would you if that’s all you know and it’s your natural way of being? (Rhetorical question, used to illustrate my point!)

It’s only when other typically non autistic people such as your husband point it out to you. Just a thought, did you grow up surrounded by other autistic people? I ask as sometimes this is reason why we don’t notice that our way of being and communication is different from non autistic people.

Rainbow Pixie said:

I think ultimately that when it comes to communication I'm just blind to seeing what issues I have, but I think that's because I don't see it as an issue, but rather other people if they don't get me.

It’s not an issue, it’s a communication difference! Similar to how people from different cultures experience misunderstandings when chatting to each other, this happens to us when communicating with other neurotypes. This is a simplification of The Double Empathy Problem which is an autistic authored theory which suggests that the reason why misunderstandings occur between autistic and non autistic people is because we have vastly different experiences of the world and therefore struggle to relate to each other.

If you want to learn more about the double empathy problem, please read the article below:

https://reframingautism.org.au/miltons-double-empathy-problem-a-summary-for-non-academics/

Rainbow Pixie said:

That meme did make me chuckle. The thing is with me the more I read about autism and communication the more I think about it and realise actually yes I do do this or I do that etc. But I think my problem is I just don't see it half the time. When I talk to my husband he will actually say to me you do actually take things literally, you do this and that etc, then it makes me realise for examples from my memories. I called it my ratatouille moment. (The pixar film when the critic eats food that sends him to a moment in time). 

That’s great, I found the meme funny too!

Given you liked the meme I shared, you may enjoy the discussion below entirely about memes related to our autistic experiences:

https://community.autism.org.uk/f/miscellaneous-and-chat/32036/autistic-memes/344283#344283

 I understand what you mean when you say you don’t recognise your communication differences. But then again why would you if that’s all you know and it’s your natural way of being? (Rhetorical question, used to illustrate my point!)

It’s only when other typically non autistic people such as your husband point it out to you. Just a thought, did you grow up surrounded by other autistic people? I ask as sometimes this is reason why we don’t notice that our way of being and communication is different from non autistic people.

Rainbow Pixie said:

I think ultimately that when it comes to communication I'm just blind to seeing what issues I have, but I think that's because I don't see it as an issue, but rather other people if they don't get me.

It’s not an issue, it’s a communication difference! Similar to how people from different cultures experience misunderstandings when chatting to each other, this happens to us when communicating with other neurotypes. This is a simplification of The Double Empathy Problem which is an autistic authored theory which suggests that the reason why misunderstandings occur between autistic and non autistic people is because we have vastly different experiences of the world and therefore struggle to relate to each other.

If you want to learn more about the double empathy problem, please read the article below:

https://reframingautism.org.au/miltons-double-empathy-problem-a-summary-for-non-academics/