Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi all,
I am hoping someone can offer a different perspective on something I have experienced. I attend a regular training course as part of my job , typically for 3/4 day every 3 months with some online interactions in between. We are all from different backgrounds and business. There’s a few things that maybe relevant I am not sure :
- The gender ratio is very out of balance 4 girls with 21 boys. One girl keeps to them self, the other two seem friendly . I seem to get on well with bunch of guys ( they save me seat etc/ one or two always pick to work with me )
- For many English is not their first language this include Bea but she speak very good English and works .
- I am also the youngest and don’t have a PHD master like the other but have some very relevant industry experience and understanding business well bing brought up in them .
We randomly get put in groups and I seem to keep getting the same the group as the bea . When the course first started she seemed nice and we had no issues. As the course progressed when working in group Bea will always volunteer me to do anything write on the board (I struggle with spelling and try to say no) , present, speak for the group etc ) . I say no but they still seem to force me by just keep coming back saying you do , we want you to do it . This keeps happening and I get anxious so I said why don’t we dived and doing it together. After Bea kept saying no you do it i managed to get her to say yes and we dived up the issues . Then we go to present she got asked what we are presenting on she said I don’t it’s for her to decide not me and sat down .
This group was 6, 3 people didn’t contribute much and only two of use speak English as our first language.
I do come across confident as I suggest lots of ideas and contribute but I struggling with public speaking so prefer to do it of my own back . I have said this to Bea she said then practice makes perfect and a push isn’t going to help .
Any advice on what to do or why she keeps doing this to me ?
She doing it because she isnt confident enough to do it herself. She bullying you to do it and because you are put on the spot you feel you have to do it, causing you anxiety. Not nice!!
Please try to stand up to her. Share the task. Ask her politely to stop. Tell the teacher or senior im not up to this today. Say it out loud with no shame
Your experience reminds me of a similar experience that i had.
At work we attended some sort of information day, put into groups with the pen and paper. A speaker from each group had to get up in front of some employees in very senior positions. I didnt feel able to explain our ,"case" well, as i didnt understand it. This "cow" collegue in a more senior pisition than me said go on go on ......i had no option. I was shaking, my voice shaking, i just read what was on the board and sat down. It was horrible. 25 years on and i havent forgotten it. That is a bully!
Like you said, off your own back you can do it. Some days we cant deal with it. X