Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi me again. Since my last post re my boyfriend just breaking up with me. I have spoken to his mum. She was very surprised and heartbroken over the way he ended it with me. My boyfriend obviously not telling his parents that he had ended it via text and said he never wanted to see or speak to me again. His versions of events to his parents are just not what happened. He says my family is drama especially my mother. He has told me he does not want to visit my family because they are so much drama , to his parents he has said I don’t want to visit her family as I barely have time to visit my own. Whilst he was ending it with me he told me ny mother was a liar a gossip , she interfered in our relationship and he also did not come to my house because he disliked her, to his parents he said he has respect for my mother, she was a good person but he is worried that in the future she wiil interfere in our relationship. We had gone away over Xmas, he said I was moody and he had to bite his tongue, however when asked to give examples he couldn’t give them ?? I thought we had a great time . He said I am sarcastic, he can’t stick it about me and he’s asked me to change and I don’t . He’s told his parents we argue all the time. We don’t but he wiil bring up arguments from weeks ago if we argue and say I alm doing stuff again. I have literally picked through the relationship, thinking have I done this or that. His parents say he fixates on things as he has done with my mother and he will not change his mind . He has cut me out of his life after 3 years with literally no contact , I must have meant nothing to him. And to end it because of something that ‘may ‘ happen . Is this normal for Asperger’s ? I am utterly devastated.
So sorry this has happened to you. Please try not to think of it too much. He may say things thatyears later he regrets because he may be trying to give excuses for feelings he does not know how to explain, so will look for excuses to try and justify his feelings elsewhere.
Not all autistic people are the same. Autism is a spectrum, just like allism is also a spectrum (Someone not on the spectrum is allistic. Someone on the spectrum is autistic). Spectrum describes the vast differences between one individuals traits and the next.
I react differently in that the rare time I had a girlfriend (Actually had two in my life but one was distance dating so only met once or twice a year and she was non contact... So I didn't feel as close as I wanted. First girlfriend I was very close to but glad it wasn't sexual. Almost was! First girlfriend just suddenly stopped dating when we were going to get married and broke off all contact and her family reused to talk. I became suicidal... Six months later met a workmate who wanted to see me. He said "I heard you were going to marry... I don't know how to tell you this... (Before I could say we were not dating...) I have seen her with someone while you had got engaged, and they were more than intemate... When I heard that I was no longer suicidal.
Sorry. sidetracked again... (Was mentioned when I was assessed... Keep on track Moutain Goat!)...
What I was saying is that everyone is different. From my short experience, if I go deep, I go very deep. I tend to avoid dating incase I date and go deep as I am scared incase it doesn't work. (I also don't pick up on flirting hints. Why I am single!)...
What I am trying to explain is your (ex).boyfriend is different to me... I am autistic. He is autistic. Every autistic person is different again. Some share some similar traits. Others have completely different traits! There is no one set of traits shared by all autistic people that identifies them as autistic which is why there is a lengthy assessment process to diagnose. Is not like other conditions that have a single issue or trait that identifies the person as having that issue as autism is a spectrum so everyone is different. The ONLY real aspect of autism that is shared is what makes a person to be autistic, and this has been found to be brain connections that do not connect like they should in the frontal area of the brain and with a few rare exceptions, has been a condition they have had since birth while the brain developed (Does not mean an autistic person gets assessed as a child as many slip the net with some like me not being assessed well into adulthood (I have grey hair! At least I have hair! Haha!))
Seriously though, I am really sorry things have not worked out. I want happy endings. One thing though, it is better to find out while dating that things did notwork than if one had married... Though I want all to marry and live happy lives!