Hi
Could someone please give me advice, I don't know what to do any more. I'm feeling very lost and alone.
I'm trying I really am but nothing works. When I try to share about the autism no one understands and people give up. They think I'm rude and uncaring because I struggle to build conversation and to communicate. They always sit there and tell me what I need to do and say to build conversation and to build relationships but when I try to explain to them why I'm struggling with it, I'm told I'm just feeling sorry for myself.
Christmas was tough. My own family have rejected me so I was staying with my godmother, her whole family was over, I didn't know these people and they certainly didn't come to spend time with me. The noise was so crazy, I just had to excape and I think that was wrong somehow. And then Christmas lunch, I didn't think I was going to get through it. It was so loud and voices from every direction, it really hurt.
Why does my head hurt so much when I try to do conversation?
Why doesn't what's in my head come out correct or with the right words?
Yesterday we had made a plan that if there were no trains, my godmother would bring me home. She changed the plan and said I was to wait to today to get the train. Last night she said when would I be leaving and I said whenever, like whenever was suitable. I must have missed something because she turned not nice and went into the kitchen with her husband and started talking about me. When they came back in the room I went to bed and I got up and left the house.
Now I don't know what to do.
I'm running on empty. Why do people just tell me all the things I do wrong? When will they say something nice? Why do they always want to pick a fight? Why do people even send horrible emails? Or call me a retard in the street?
Why won't my brain work so people aren't angry with me?
