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Nervous about son driving

NAS90766
9 months ago

Hi all my son is 18 and just passed his driving test!

obviously I’m very proud. But, despite actively encouraging him to drive I am extremely anxious about him driving himself further than our home city. His a great driver, my worry is his ability to cope should something go wrong like an accident. He can overreact with me and his dad, but doesn’t when out alone.

His young for his age sometimes acting like a younger teenager.

looking for any guidance on managing this without restricting his independence.

thanks for reading 

  • 9 months ago

    Hi,

    I'm autistic

    I'm a driver

    Things going wrong can be very distressing especially when they are new. The way I coped with this the first few times was that I had a very explicit agreement with my parents that if something out of the ordinary happened I immediately phoned them and they helped talk me through it. After you've done it it works for the next time. 

    Have an explicit conversation with him. Discuss your concern about unexpected events. Discuss some of the ones that may occur, damaging a car while parking, driving into the back of someone, witnessing an accident, and what the correct procedures are in these cases. 

    And explicitly express your permission to call you whenever there are any problems.

    This should allow him to feel confident in contacting you about any issues, and allow you to feel more confident trusting him further out. 

    Ask if you have any further questions or clarifications.

  • 9 months ago

    Hi

    My brother had just turned 20, and still doesnt have his drivers license. He has learning dissabilities so he has a hard time with getting the questions right. He isnt in uni, doesnt have a job, no girlfriend, and cant drive, so he gets angry and depressed about it. He wants freedom and to feel like he can do stuff himself. 

    Your son could be feeling the same way of enjoying this new independance and stage in life. Maybe you could ask him what his thoughts are on driving? Is he nervous about having an accident? Would he mind if you had certain regulations, like only driving in your home city? Maybe you could negotiate. If he doesnt end up wanting to give up some of his freedom, I would let him do as he wants (not everything of course, but just like driving where he wants), that way he feels like you trust him and that he can trust you if something ever does happen one day, like an axcident.

    I do understand why you would worry about his ability to cope if something were to happen though. I should have had my liscence back in July, but I only have my permit. I never studied for the test but the rules were pretty easy to guess on, so when my dad made me go test then I passed on my first try. I only practiced driving that day (again dad made me), but I didnt want to. I dont find the hype in driving and im scared that ill hurt someone. Im sensitive to lights so being in the car with headlights, metal signs and cars, the sun, hurts my eyes alot. I also get distracted and wont pay attention, and I get motion sickness. I worry that I will look at a tree or something and then hit a squirrel, then panic from killing the animal and end up crashing into a car and hurting even more people.

    So I mean yeah I dont really like the idea of driving myself, but to others its really important as a sort of growing up feeling, like with my brother.