Published on 12, July, 2020
I’m hoping for others opinions on this situation I understand this can get a bit rambly but I don’t know if I should just try go along with it or it’s just try and get out of this and go where I’m comfortable.
I understand Christmas can be a difficult time for us, I’ve sort of mastered the masking of present giving & receiving which is kind of more torture as I have an NT partner with a large family (siblings ranging at least this year from ages 30+ to 18 months ) there’s not much support so each year I’m over at his family I have burn out as I get home and recovering the next few days(I have tried to explain can I possibly get moments to myself even if take five minutes outside even in the rain at this point) or he could he tell his family certain gifts that are definitely off limits (not to sound ungrateful but it’s like they give me candles and I have oxygen tanks -cluster headaches) but he either doesn’t ask or there’s too much demand in the ask where I’m going when I try to get a moment. I have more of an issue this year and I feel like I really don’t want to go. I usually get anxious eating around people and still do around his family so don’t eat much particularly as it’s the way things are cooked (taste and texture not what I’m used too) but I’ve recently found out I’m lactose intolerant, which to be honest at least one of his sisters has made a joke out of. My mum has offered to let me come over* for Christmas which would be more than perfect for me food and comfort wise. But he was adamant we aren’t separating for Christmas. He did offer to ask what everything contained but then said as I didn’t eat much there was no point. So his solution was that I took my own food. Which yes I can see how that is a solution a friend recently had a party and I took my own sandwiches (which was a sandwich party) only at this case I wasn’t been offered a warm decent meal I could be eating rather than cold sandwiches and feeling uncomfortable for that.
* my boyfriend wouldn’t be invited over to my parents as if you are picking up bad vibes from him you wouldn’t be the only ones this lack of understanding has been going on a while this is just a situation I‘m not sure I can/should get out of
Can you call to see his family and explain that you wont be going? That way it can be on your terms, but you have still met with them?
I understand how you feel. I dont want to be with too many people if any and im niw at an age where if they dont understand im not bothered x
I’m not on that sort of terms with them that I’m comfortable socialising that much with them, I’ve witnessed too much backchatting to unmask, so I’ve kept quiet a lot of the time. Realistically I don’t think it would mean that much to them that I’m not there, especially if my boyfriend is still showing up. He doesn’t want to show up without me even though I’ve listed out to him the amount of limitations I have this year and it would just be for one day
What anbawkward sutuation. I think many families experience similar at christmas time. Do you have to do what your boyfriend wants? Can you agree a compromise and just go for a couple of hours? I feel for you x