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Referral for assessment

Justbe

Hi,

My referral for an asd assessment has just been sent. 

I'm feeling really anxious and worried now. I know that that is wasted energy, but I cannot help the way I feel. And right now I'm feeling very fragile. Totally overwhelmed. 

I'm worried that they will reject it. I know without a doubt that I am autistic. 53 years of struggling. 

This recent revelation (being autistic) has come with a whirlwind of mixed emotions. But I finally understand myself, can forgive myself, and i can be kind to myself. And I can give myself permission to use all the tools I've needed for so very long.

I feel that without their acknowledgement, my world will return to me being so hard on myself, feeling ashamed and worse.

I'm seeking a clinical diagnosis for validation (I was treated so badly by my parents), and to help my daughter and granddaughter (who are both struggling themselves). 

 How can I overcome this ? I can't see clearly. 

Parents

  • I was 54 when I finally realised I’m autistic, I first felt elated and started processing all of my life, it’s left me in a massive burnout. I honestly thought I was the only person who functions like me, to find there are many others has been a big help.
    I’ve tried explaining how autism affects me to my remaining parent, to be honest it was a waste of time. Elation turned to sadness and anger for all the years of struggle. I find actually allowing yourself self to be autistic helps, the masking is draining. It sounds strange but it’s not your fault for being autistic. The hard part is learning how to harness it. I’ve found listening to audiobooks based on other people’s journey with autism a big help.

    I was referred in June 22 and told the waiting list is 2 years. I contacted the NHS adult assessment team this morning to enquire and change my address, people referred in January 22 are now being sent appointments. Hopefully not much longer to wait.

  • in reply to Roy

    Thank you for sharing your story. I am beginning to understand that it's a real rollercoaster. 

    I hope that all goes well for you in June. 

  • in reply to Justbe

    Thanks, if I could get a handle on constant anxiety then the rest of my autistic life would be okay.

  • in reply to Take5

    Thank you Take5.

    I''m beginning to think that the only way forward is accepting myself, and allowing myself to be me (the real me). Regardless of what anybody thinks or whatever decision the assessment team make. 

    And I somehow need to learn to care a lot less about how people might judge me, as I begin to unmask. 

    I'm going for what someone might see as subtle, when I'm outside of my home. But for me it's huge!

    And when I am at home I can be totally me Blush

Reply
  • in reply to Take5

    Thank you Take5.

    I''m beginning to think that the only way forward is accepting myself, and allowing myself to be me (the real me). Regardless of what anybody thinks or whatever decision the assessment team make. 

    And I somehow need to learn to care a lot less about how people might judge me, as I begin to unmask. 

    I'm going for what someone might see as subtle, when I'm outside of my home. But for me it's huge!

    And when I am at home I can be totally me Blush

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