Published on 12, July, 2020
I have ordered something online. Something I really want, a special treat for having survived a really long bad period. It's a one off, saved for, and I really had to be encouraged by my counselor to do this one nice thing for myself.
It was due yesterday 11-12. 6pm the app says "sorry we missed you". I have a meltdown because I'm my head it's my fault, they missed me therefore I can't have been listening properly. It's rescheduled for today
Due today 2-3pm. Same thing happens.
Now rescheduled for Monday.
I have been in waiting mode for 2 days. It's hard to do anything else at all. Yesterday I didn't eat because I was so eager to get it, restless from waiting, jumping every time the dog barked (and she barks at everything) and then too dysregulated after the failed delivery.
Today I sat in silence on the sofa waiting. No sleep last night so unable to find things to occupy myself today. Watched the delivery app. I put a sign on the door saying "I am here, make the dog bark and I'll know you're there" . I paced. I paced a lot. 5:45 I'm next on the list. Ping. "We're sorry we missed you" app shows him exiting the village.
Boom. Meltdown. I don't deserve nice things. This is punishment for wasting money. Horrible thoughts about my failings. Clearly I did something wrong.
Mate came round and dealt with the deliver company but they'll only retry on Monday, and only once more. I can't afford to lose the money I spent on this so that's causing more stress. I swear they have not been here. My dog reacts to anyone outside, the repair man this morning didn't even get to knock and she was going nuts.
Now I'm stuck in a cycle of waiting. I had planned to use the thing this weekend. Now i have no plan for the weekend, I'm tired, I hurt myself in meltdown, and I'm ashamed that someone else had to sort out the delivery company on my behalf. I'm also stuck on the "why wasn't it delivered" I need answers and I can't seem to let it go
I feel for you. It's horrible when one has been eagerly anticipating a delivery, and then it doesn't come. It just adds insult to injury when the delivery company claims delivery was attempted, and you know damn well that isn't true.
On my front door, I have an A4 laminated notice requesting visitors use my doorbell, with an arrow pointing in the direction of the doorbell. Because my house was built on a slope, the front door is not on the same floor as my kitchen and lounge. Therefore, if someone uses the door knocker, I cannot hear it unless I happen to be by my front door. Sometimes, I think the delivery drivers are in too much of a hurry to read the notice though.
Fortunately, I have a bin shed at the front of my house. If I'm unable to get to the front door in time, the majority of the delivery drivers will leave deliveries in there, and will usually pop a card through my letterbox to let me know. To be honest, as it can sometimes take me a while to get to my front door, some of the delivery drivers will just automatically deliver to my bin shed (my safe place).
Fingers crossed that your delivery WILL come on Monday.
Yes I think it's the injustice of their lies that is really irking me. But I have calmed down some. Going to bed as soon as I can get the dog off the sofa. She can hear everything except "come on it's bed time, get up". Lol. I swear she's as PDA as me lol
Your door set up must be quite difficult and really frustrating when you have a new driver on the route. We had a regular driver for 5 years, he knew everyone by name and all the quirks of rural communities, but he retired last month. The new one throws parcels over walls and leaves farm gates open, or people report the same experience I'm having.
Anyway, better put this aside until Monday lol. It's Doctor Who tomorrow. I'll focus on that! - oh bother, now I'll be thinking of the Doctor in bed and not sleep again. Hahaha