Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello I need some advice as I’m trying to work out how I function and how best to accommodate myself. this might be long but I really need to explain so it’s understood.
I broke up with my boyfriend a month ago who I was living with and his dad and moved back into my aunts house. Then a few weeks later I failed my driving test. Again. My lessons then changed to every 2 weeks. My aunt is also my boss at work and I’m currently doing an apprenticeship (I think it’s called an internship for the Americans but I also could be very wrong so please correct me if I am). However she handed in her notice last Thursday. She then worked from home as of Monday and finished Friday. In all of this she was supposed to be on a 4 week notice that changed to 2 weeks then she was gone in week. Now my job is changing my room changing where I sit. And adding slightly to my job role. I’ve had to rearrange my schedule as I now have to get the bus into work and that’s an hour spent travelling in the morning and in the evening. So I’m now up at 5 every morning to make sure I get to work. And I’m not home until about half 5/6pm. On top of all of this my support with my youth worker and my councillor ends on the 30th and I’m supposed to be seeing another support worker to help me get my own home but she keeps cancelling I’ve not seen her in 3 weeks. I’ve been trying to be okay and fight everything but I’m tired. I’m not sleeping properly. Then I walked in through the door then my cousin nick picks that I should be able to drive by now because I’ve been learning longer. I said there was a year and a half gap (Covid) he said that’s not his fault I decided to take a gap. Then he walked out of the house to take my aunt and uncle where they were going. I lost it. I was so upset. I had a break down. (I won’t describe what happened as it could be triggering but you can guess) I felt al sorts of emotions. I hadn’t eaten all day because I was worked up and I walked in and was hungry then then comment was made and I wasn’t hungry anymore. All I could do was cry on my own. I’m still so tired from everything. And quite disappointed in myself to be honest. I know I should be able to drive but I try my best but I never feel like it’s good enough.
so I guess am I just tired or was it a meltdown that had built up?
To me it sounds like overwhelm that's building into burnout. You've got so much going on it's really hard to process it all so in the back of your mind you're probably trying to figure all these things out, even if you aren't consciously thinking about them. You've described a lot of situations in a short period, that would exhaust most people, being autistic makes it even harder because of all the changes.
You talk about fighting everything, I would suggest picking your battles. Focus on the basics that will help you feel better, more sleep, doing things that help you relax, trying to be kind to yourself, eating.
Trying to do a driving test with all that going on was always going to be hard work. You did well too attend it! I passed on my 3rd attempt and I'm a good driver. It's just exam conditions that made it hard - I don't do well in any exam due to nerves. Have you tried having the instructor in the back during the test? That used to be all allowed at any rate.
Thank you ️ I am working on it everything seems to just want to happen at once and I just can’t keep up. I’m going to be on my third one as well. Yeah he’s in the back but apparently I was too slow on roundabouts so I need to build my confidence.
I failed the second one for doing 25 in a 30 going over a bridge where pedestrians step out onto the road all the time because the pavement is narrow. You'll get there. Better cautious than reckless :)