Post Meltdown sympathy thread.

I'm actually already feeling better since jumping on this forum today but I just wanted to get a bit of sympathy after my meltdown this morning.

Things have been much better for me recently. But I've been sick and so I have less spoons to deal with.

The plan today was to help my Dad take the old shed down and maybe cut his hair. There are not many days left in the year where we can do it so when I woke up with a little energy I was feeling positive about getting it done today.

Still, because I've been sick and I've been swamped with gathering evidence for my PIP application, I hadn't managed to wash or do my laundry the day before, I hadn't had a bath in 3 days!

So I said "I wanna throw some laundry in, change my sheets, and have a bath, then we can get on with it."

"Alright" he says, and I go about it.

I get everything done, then it's time to have a bath. So I run a lovely hot bath and ease myself in. I don't even TRY and tell people I'll try and be quick in the bath or shower anymore. I NEED that time to let my brain and body float. And I felt so greasy and horrible. 3 days! 

So I'm in the bath, so lovely and hot. And what does the old man do? Well he thinks to himself, while J's in the bath, I'll make meself useful, I'll mow the lawn.

The bathroom wall faces the garden.

I'm in the bath, I don't have my earplugs, I don't have my headphones, I'm all soapy.

It stops and starts. So I try and cover and uncover my ears, and inbetween do the soaping and rinsing.

I get confused, I don't know what I've soaped and what I haven't soaped and it stops and starts so quickly I barely get a chance, I'm trying to think of what to do when it starts again and the switch is flipped, I start screaming.

He can't hear me.

I think it's stopped, I try and open the window so i can shout at him, as soon as i open it I hear it, I slam the window shut.

Then it's a blur. Jug throwing, bath punching, head punching, arm biting.

I think *** it, I'm all soapey but i grab my towel and run out of the bathroom and up to my room and try and wait it out.

It doesn't stop, my earplugs aren't strong enough, more screaming, a blur

My main hand hurts from hitting the bath

I grab a small laptop and try and connect it to my headphones but it doesn't work.

Anyway I manage to make my earplugs stronger, and decide to get back in the bath with them in.

Then that's basically the end of it. But I feel like I've been beaten up, and I'm exhausted. Everytime I go upstairs I'm dragging on all fours.

So it was a lot.

One good thing: it wasn't emotionally upsetting or scary. I was non-verbal by that point so when I hear the old man come in i grab my notebook and go down and tell him. He feels terrible of course. He apologises, it's okay. I know he'll check with me next time.

That was always the worst thing about a meltdown, the loneliness, the knowing that any attempt to try and explain what happened with not even being able to speak, will probably fall flat on its arshe.

But now, my Dad knows what a meltdown is. So I only have to write "Meltdown". So much less to explain. I am bruised and battered and exhausted but emotionally? I'm okay. I feel loved and understood.

I wrote "I can't do nothing today now. Sorry." 

He said "It's alright. It is what it is."

Yeah. It is what it is.

EDIT: Have you had a meltdown recently? What triggered it and how are you doing?