Published on 12, July, 2020
I’ve seen a few posts recently about differences between older and younger autistic people and their attitudes, and I remember at least one thread about whether or not we look younger than neurotypicals.
I’m curious to know whether the “older” among you actually feel your age.
I know I look much younger than my age and I’m in great physical health but I also feel psychologically much younger than my true age. Perhaps because I feel I’m still learning social rules everyone else mastered by the age of 20? Or because I never got to be a parent, which must be one of the life experiences that truly signals to people that they are no longer the younger generation?
My dad felt very much that the world had changed and left him behind and so he had nothing in common with the young, but I never really felt I had anything in common with other people even why I was chronologically young myself so I don’t feel any more alienated now that I’m older.
mos def true.
People always guess me as way younger.
I feel, even as the world changes, that the present is the main entertainment.I think that makes a difference. If people feel their lives are in the past they will languish in the present and fear (or resent) the future.. I don't have much nostalgia for the past. I am not afraid of the future. I do also find the older I get the more perspective I have on my own thought and feeling processes and the more I appreciate just how unique and wonderful they are. It is when attempts at compliance to a social code that I can't effectively participate in hobble me so I don't even bother anymore.
Being isolated ages people too. I have friends who, if they don't understand me, at least find me interesting and appreciate the enriching exchanges and sharing of our varied pasts.
Commonality of interest is an interesting thing too: as I age I notice there are more and more avenues to connect with others, finding my special interests enriched by hearing about theirs, about their experiences. this was a big step. I also had a tendency, sometimes, to make a prospective friend a special interest and this never went well, as you can imagine. It must have been smothering for them. I haven't done that in decades
All through my life my greatest fear was to be forgotten, left behind. Until recently I didn't understand why. One of my current special interests is memory retrieval. Ive used the hemi sync meditations from the Monroe institute and just talking things over with a friend in a non therapeutic, breezy way.
I am connecting that I was actually left behind and forgotten numerous times by the adults of whom I was a ward and by other children. It was terrifying. I mean to say I did remember that it happened, but now I can associate it with the feelings, the fear. So I guess I could say I'm finding it a little easier to meld my memories, thoughts and feeling as they are happening. This has always been very hard for me. I don't know if that's age related but it feel like it is.
Take heart. It gets easier! Practice kindness and gentleness with yourself.