Published on 12, July, 2020
I'm sure I can't be the only one but I really feel like I am.
For reference I've always had them. As a kid I was punished for them and prior to diagnosis I thought I was 'mad' and would be sectioned if I told anyone about them. I hid in toilets thru school and work so no-one saw. It was only when I realized I was autistic that they made any kind of sense at all.
Whilst I understand meltdowns are normal for us I can't forgive myself for them. No details but I hurt myself a good deal, never anyone else. I contain everything I can until I burst, and when I know I can't avoid it I run so no-one sees.
Does anyone have any tips for accepting this part of being autistic?
Thanks in advance folks
I was punished for meltdowns too as a kid and I gradually learned I had to suppress them at any cost to my own personal wellbeing. Unfortunately that takes a huge toll on mental health. I've been there with the hiding in toilets throughout my years of school and work.
I've found that in recent years, since my diagnosis, I can no longer suppress them like I used to be able to. The best I can do is run for a safe space before the outburst.
Not all of my meltdowns are destructive but I've had ones where I've broken doors and other things. Sometimes it helps to channel the violence into screaming or crying instead. If you are hurting yourself then you need to try and find alternative outlets if you can. Hurting inanimate objects is better than hurting yourself.
I have a much greater awareness now of what the triggers are than I did when I was younger. I do avoid those triggers wherever I can, unfortunately life circumstances means that's not always possible. When it comes to meltdowns prevention is most definitely better than cure.