Published on 12, July, 2020
I'm sure I can't be the only one but I really feel like I am.
For reference I've always had them. As a kid I was punished for them and prior to diagnosis I thought I was 'mad' and would be sectioned if I told anyone about them. I hid in toilets thru school and work so no-one saw. It was only when I realized I was autistic that they made any kind of sense at all.
Whilst I understand meltdowns are normal for us I can't forgive myself for them. No details but I hurt myself a good deal, never anyone else. I contain everything I can until I burst, and when I know I can't avoid it I run so no-one sees.
Does anyone have any tips for accepting this part of being autistic?
Thanks in advance folks
Max has left the platform (them/they) said:I contain everything I can until I burst, and when I know I can't avoid it I run so no-one sees. Does anyone have any tips for accepting this part of being autistic?
I contain everything I can until I burst, and when I know I can't avoid it I run so no-one sees.
I would strongly recommend getting yourself a therapist with experience of autism and meltdowns. They should understand your issues well enough to come up with a range of strategies to deal with both the source of the anxiety that causes the meltdown and managing the meltdowns themselves.
The key thing will be finding what is causing the build up to the meltdown, so think what is the causes of anxiety. Journal your days so you can look back and see what happened, why some days felt worse/better than others and learn what things you need to focus on dealing with.
The therapist should be able to help you come to terms with the meltdowns as they are not conciously caused by you, so you cannot blame yourself for them at a rational level.
These are quote common issues for autists and we almost all have them to some degree or other, so there are a few books out there that give good background on the issue, eg:
From Anxiety to Meltdown - How Individuals on the Autism Spectrum Deal with Anxiety, Experience Meltdowns, Manifest Tantrums, and How You Can Intervene Effectively - Deborah Lipsky (2011)ISBN 9781849058438
Therapists cost from around £50/hour but are really worth it in my opinion.
Good luck with whatever path you choose.
Thanks very much for the book recommendation. I will see if I can get it from the library. £50 an hour is far beyond my means, but I do have a free therapist from a Trans charity who is doing her best to help. She's the only therapist who has even got close to understanding me so she's doing well, but her research is a week or so behind mine cos I have the time to do it, she doesn't.
I do try and journal but my PDA butt resents it and my trauma tells me to "grow up" . I am beginning to understand triggers but it feels like it's literally everything in the world. The wind, the cold, the sun, the noise etc etc There's so many triggers I have no clue where to start without any funds to do things like buy new sensory friendly clothes or headphones etc It's a bit like I opened a can of worms with no way of catching the little blighters!