Published on 12, July, 2020
We have a 42 year old son ( an only child). He is very intelligent and knowledgeable, and kind and often affectionate. But difficult to reach emotionally,. Prone to get upset if we ask him about anything to do with his personal life. He has hobbies and is in work (with computers...no surprise there). We see him every few weeks and speak on the phone but we miss the somewhat closer connection we had with him when he was a child. He is more adept socially than he was. Has never had a diagnosis of autism - but is dyslexic. I think he has some friends, a few anyway.
There are others with a diagnosis of autism in the wider family.We feel sad not to be able to connect better.
Any suggestions?
I would suggest a letter - write down why you want to connect more and how this would look like.
If he is anything like me at that age he is set in his ways but lacks understanding of these social needs to connection, or when he does understand, he doesn't know how to make it happen or what it looks like.
I would suggest a low contact approach at first as you will be changing his routine and using emotional energy in the interactions which is quite draining for us.
Maybe make it fun to start with until you get a routine going and try to be direct about things you want to discuss.
I wouldn't push on the autism diagnosis front - if he wants to know about it he will persue it in his own time and it is possible he may have a preconception that a diagnosis means he is "broken" or "faulty" in some way.
Maybe give him family updates from time to time and drop in stories about the other autism diagnoses in the family and - fairly importantly - do an online autism test yourself and tell him if any of you look like you are autistic - them mention it is around 80% genetic in inheritance so he may want to consider it himself.
There is a free online test here:
www.thevividmind.org/.../
dunno, go round to his place to visit more? go out for walks with him. depends what hes like though. you can still have closer connection. maybe invite him round to yours for dinner so you can have family dinner together too. youd see alot more of him and speak more, have a stronger connection, and for him hed save a bit of money on groceries if he needs a extra reason to do that.