Published on 12, July, 2020
Since I was a young teenager I was confused if people told me off when I wasn’t trying to do anything wrong. I tried to make friends, but often they were more interested in what each other were doing. If I tried to get involved they either criticised me or just ignored me if I felt unhappy. These experiences made me feel like I didn’t fit in and especially if people walk past me without saying hello. But they would to others. My family often told me it might be that I look angry or they just don’t know what to say and this makes me very uncomfortable and feel like I’m an alien or something. In later years I became more and more isolated to the point I spend most of my time in my bedroom because I’ve become really afraid of people and growing up, I’ve been told that issues are all just in my head, which makes me feel like I’m crazy. I usually listen to music and I’ve tried to reach out on social media because the interaction on there is different. But that’s caused problems as well because some people don’t like my posts and that’s encouraged me to delete them and try and post something I know that they’re more interested in and that in turn has just made me feel sad. I feel like I’m just sitting on the fence watching the world go by and it’s so depressing. And admittedly I’ve had times of feeling suicidal when my family then get stressed out and I have to be on watch. Does anyone else go through these kind of situations as well?
And yes feeling always on the outside.
I used to feel like you, but as i have got older and particularly since i discovered thst i am autistic, i dont try too hard to fit in. They are either "my" people or not. I think we are sensitive people and that is not a bad thing. I used to try so hard to fit in but i didnt.
Family relations can be difficult too. If they were my friends i would unfriend most of them. Family is my biggest trigger unfortunately
Im sure that you will find "your" people, its just a shame it takes time. Sometimes just sitting somewhere can lead to a conversation that lifts your spirits and gives us hope x
I understand your viewpoint about social media and thanks for your support. :-)
Yes, I still live at home but am not in education. I’m currently getting financial help because I haven’t worked in over 2 years now, due to severe anxiety. But at the time my diagnoses hadn’t been revealed, so everything about me was underlying. I have mixed with people in these circumstances and that’s been stressful too. My family and I are close in heart, but all are very different people, so all are quick to misunderstand me and judge me at times. Thank you for your support. :-)
I'm sorry you're going through this.
No, the world does not always get us.
I'd be careful of social media though. That's a false world for anyone. There is absolutely no point in worrying about who "likes" what because they all reply with half a brain cell In action anyway.
As for the real world, there are genuine people on your wave length out there, they are just tougher to find if you are autistic. Once found though, they'll stick with you.
Hi Sam :)
Thanks for your post.
I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. It sounds like you might be in education and are still living at home, so probably that means you are mixing with people sometimes? Are you on friendly terms with your family who you live with?
It can be so confusing trying to interact with other people, because you don't know the right things to say or how to say them - what other peoples reactions might be, etc.
Reaching out on social media is a nice idea, because it can give you a bit more time to think through what you want to say, like on a forum like this.
Everyone here is friendly so I encourage you to keep on posting and saying Hi in different threads that you find interesting. :)