The Choice

WiredDifferently said:

partly the lack of space, if like me you’re 6’2” and walk like a combination of Ja Ja Binns and The Jolly Green giant, with a loping gait, and a habit of sighing loudly as I’m walking along, then the suspicions start to rise alarmingly.

Funny!

I'm considered "big" by most and "frightening" by many.  I tend to walk often with the speed and intensity of a "guilty" man who looks like he is getting away from somewhere asap, but without drawing attention by running.

I'd be wary of me approaching in an underpass or lonely woodland!

I am constantly on high alert to try and reassure people as quickly as possible....but naturally, any such effort can equally heighten their arm or concern.

There is no winning way of doing right......but then you already know that.

A dog attack can be thwarted by shouting at them aggressively.

Maintain eye contact throughout any hostile dog encounter.

Eye's. throat, Groin. I've managed to get a powerful attacker (boxer, I was told) to turn to jelly by giving his eyes the treatment. (Tried to gouge em out with my thumbs, he was lucky I bite my nails), instantly the fight was gone. I am told that a powerful blow to the throat with the side of the hand or rigidly extended fingers will have the same effect. Even if you are small and puny like myself.

I've always thought that women should be allowed to carry CS gas in this country. It's hard to press home an assault when you cant see or breathe properly. I once used it for (genuine and neccesary) self defence myself, and it worked great. PLUS my attacker (I waited for the lunge before giving him the requested faceful!)

ALWAYS keep your eyes firmly on any would-be assailant, as most like to throw the first blow and catch you by surprise, hoping to press home the attack whilst you are disoriented, so, keeping your eyes on them takes away that advantage.

PLUS since you are going to do your best to put up some defence, you need to be able to see it coming, hopefully dodge or parry the initial attack then press home your own vicious blows with total commitment.

Do not listen to pleas for mercy, (assuming they started the attack on you!) you stop attacking them only when they are either quiet and fully defensive, or the body goes limp.

If you are really sure there is a good chance that you are going to die, BITE a piece off your attacker and swallow it, it'll be found at your post mortem and likely lead to the arrest of your killer... 

Might as well know what to do if you ever need to...  DO NOT go quietly, make noise and offer strong resistance...

I have the same response with dogs, not that I'm saying that men and dogs are the same, but they can both be boisterous, loud, unpredictable and potentially aggressive. I know that most dogs are fine, friendly creatures, but if I encounter one off the lead, I am apprehensive. Like James Joyce, if I'm out on a long walk , I carry a walking stick, just in case.

WiredDifferently said:

women typically, but not always, will react to the threat of the invading tribe, with an instinctive fear of rape.

Number said:

Walking alone, in the countryside as a single male, does see me treated (in the first instance) as a rapist/murderer......in my experience.

Peter said:

oh my sweet summer child. Guys get called a rapist just for looking 'funny' at a women these days.

I found reading these comments disturbing.

It's really a case of 'welcome to my world'.

I've tried very hard to keep myself safe all my life and that includes not walking anywhere alone which is isolated and especially after dark.

It actually ISN'T safe for women and I'm sorry if the repercussion of that is that you feel uncomfortable, but I can assure you it's much worse for us.

If I were walking alone somewhere that I was vulnerable and a single male came towards me (or even worse several) I would instinctively be on high alert, and with good cause.

Encouraging him was probably the most evil thing you have ever done in your life. He needed guidance on how to blend in and interact with society, not the contrary.

I live in a village where there is this lad, roughly 17. He is autistic, but to a much greater degree than me. He dresses as a Jedi to go outside and i often see him in the street practicing with his light sabre. 

Many people laugh at him or pretend he doesnt exist. The first time i saw him i walked right up to him and said 'dude that is the coolest thing i have seen all year'. 

He looked at me and simply said 'thank you.' 

Given a choice i am always my quirky self. Let the people laugh or ignore me. That way i know that the people that talk to me are not hostile. 

We're ingrained to view life as a Warzone.

We never evolved beyond Primal Territory.

I think what I Sperg said is about right, eventually they single you out, eventually it’s not enough to be inert.  
Small-minded people will always be looking to test their firepower out on small fries. But I think it’s the case that not being aware of encircle, before they close in makes being decimated all the more traumatising, because you have no clear understanding of the events. 
I have survived thus far, it is true, but I don’t seem to be able to consolidate how it has affected me. Whenever I approached these circumstances again I always seem to come up against, all these unprocessed experiences, that I had once left behind.  
I seem to compartmentalise all of my wisdom and experience within various protocols, which means I can live through uncorrupted paths, without being harangued by traumas. I am quite affected by my bad unfinished-conversations though..

My third attempt at a reply... I just can't find the words today. 

If you've been able to pass without particular notice in these environments; and if that has insulated you from the persecution that typically arises from standing out, then that's good. Anything that helps us survive in the world is good.

Yeah, totally relate to that, people viewing single males as some kind of threat by default, and that’s a big pity because the biggest healing factor in my life has been walking in parks and the countryside where I can depressurise and let organic processes in me come and go in their natural rhythm.  It lets my brain and body return to their natural state.

But in most towns and places, if I go to the park alone, people look at me like a rapist or a peado, because I’m not walking a dog or looking after my children, I’m just there enjoying the ducks and the geese and the swans and the trees and the squirrels and grass and trees and sunshine - what a nutter! definitely must be something wrong with him.

Strangely enough, the only place I find this doesn’t happen much is London, which is an absolute godsend from my point of view, as its where I live.  I think in such a densely packed and chaotic place there is some kind of acknowledgement that people have to get out, and London being what it is, there is a great deal of diversity who live in the place - people who are alone, people who are with groups, people of all types of sexualities and races, people who dress totally way out, people who dress ultra conservative - it’s sort of an overwhelming mixture, but gives a sense of freedom, people are sort of allowed to be who they want to be, within limits.  It’s either that, or the feeling of “I’ll never see these people again, so who cares.”

However, that said, walking on the street, people seem to get a lot more uptight / aggressive / suspicious - particularly at night for obvious reasons, I guess its partly the lack of space, if like me you’re 6’2” and walk like a combination of Ja Ja Binns and The Jolly Green giant, with a loping gait, and a habit of sighing loudly as I’m walking along, then the suspicions start to rise alarmingly.

Especially as we have a tendency to stare.

It's the pincer movement.

Hammered at the Crucible.

I was normal, as a kid; and young man. However, the longer I dealt with life, the more suspicious I became.

I'm respected in my local community; however, no one comes to me. That suits me, better. Quality of friendship, not quantity.

I’m not so sure that I even comprehend that I’m being found out..

When I was at work everybody knew me, even the executives who didn’t know anybody of my pay grade, I was ‘red tie guy’. 
When I was at school I was ‘blazer kid’. 
But generally I just obliviously go about my business..

My experience, too. The NT have hundred of thousands of years of expertise in spotting defective people acting normal.

I can only say that when you get older your social circle will shrink and your relationships will become shallower. People will take way interest in you. You will be given more leeway to be quirky or strange, as long as you can keep a job, pay bills, dress normally and stay out of jail, nobody will ever take notice of you. You just need to not interact or infodump with anyone, and you will be fine.

oh my sweet summer child. Guys get called a rapist just for looking 'funny' at a women these days. You get judged on tiny nuances of body language you display subconsciously in women's presence.

very familiar. I think many if not most autistic people face that choice often. And as others have said option 1 doesn't always work that well in terms of helping to integrate and stay out of trouble. The only reliable way to make option 1 work is live the life of a hermit.

Walking alone, in the countryside as a single male, does see me treated (in the first instance) as a rapist/murderer......in my experience.

Thank you. 

I wish you were right but I'm afraid this presumption is incorrect.

I have no idea what is masking and what is just 'me'.

It's been too many decades for me to be able to make that distinction.

Yes me too. For those of us diagnosed later in life masking was never a conscious thing that we chose to do. I would have much preferred to have been diagnosed early and had that choice.

It links in with another current discussion on masking. Much of it starts very early in childhood and happens on an unconscious level. I've reposted the Kieran Rose video, which explains it much better than I can.

https://community.autism.org.uk/f/adults-on-the-autistic-spectrum/33766/masking-or/322099#322099