The Choice

That's quite sad Number, but I know where Debbie (hibernating) is coming from, though just being my curious self I think my first thought would be to look for your dog, as most folks I see out walking in the countryside are walking the dog.

I agree I Sperg, we cannot be anyone but ourselves and we shouldn't have to be, NTs could just not speak in coded ways and say what they mean but they choose not to for their own comfort at our exclusion. We aren't responsible for their pathological need for social cohesion at cost to their own integrity and they unrealistically expect people to know what the issue is without actually telling them.

Iain said:

It doesn't take much to find that sweet spot between being full on yourself and full on masked, but whether you have the willpower to keep doing it is down to you.

It's not willpower Iain, it's energy. I've never known a fellow autist to be able to mask well if at all after a bad night's sleep. And that's not how tics work, the more you try suppress them the more they will come out. Everyone masks to a degree but the extent ND people are expected to is inherently harmful and none of us should have to damage ourselves for the convenience of others, we have as much right to exist as our true selves and take up space as anyone else.

did you understand a single word of what I told you?

Yes familiar, though I think how I get percieved when I unmask is quirky-inconsistent-oddity I was fortunate to be born with a "cute" and expressive face and retain it into adulthood or so I've ben told quite a few times from different sources, I am trusted as much as any stranger on the street because by good fortune I have a very non thretening aura by default.
My issue is once I open my mouth people don't know how to pigeonhole me into the neat categories that society likes to put people in, I talk with a "posh" accent apparently but then I use extensive slang from multiple sources, people can't even tell where I'm from. And although they don't stop being friendly I can tell it makes thems standoffish because they feel like not being able to read certain things about me is a barrier to us being anything other than amicable aquaintances. So being outwardly approachable doesn't necessarilly equate to easy friendship building. But I am as I have said before the kind of person that puts the aut in autist, I'm very self contained and self content, and I don't get lonely which has not always stopped me feeling oestracised but it has always kept me from feeling isolated in a negative sense.
I tend to mirror mask just enough to build a raport with people and then try let it slip in early that I am ND so there's no shock when I can't or won't hold the mask up anymore because it's not in me to be fake, and sometimes that's worked actually, because nice people like that you felt able to trust them with that information. And if it doesn't work out then logically I chalk it up to you can't be friends with literally everybody not even if you were NT anyway. Sometimes even if there's nothing unpleasant about you some people will just not like you and there's nothing you can do about it so it's important for your mental health to realise you cannot take all rejection personally.

Good for you man, that is an act of kindness I'm sure he's never had before and I'm sure he will always remember and be grateful for.

I have a quirky side - don't we all? But I rarely get to let that side of me come to the surface. I love to pretend play, usually secret agents I used to do that all the time with my sister, loved it and so did she. People used to laugh, they still would now but I don't care the world can judge if it wants I'm just going to have fun.

Get back under your bridge. Troll lol

Iain said:

Since we are a minority in a 95-97% neurotypical world then I think we should try to make an effort not to upset the NTs. It would be nice if we didn't have to do it, but if we know our behaviours scare people then we should take some responsibility to learn to dial it back - in my opinion.

I quote every single word. 

You have no idea what you are talking about. You need to learn to mask and to have some social standing to have a job. You know, job, the one that they give you money for?
Now, he will be at the mercy of the people that laugh AT him, and everybody will know him as the unhinged guy that puts on a bathrobe and twirls a fake sword. That will make impossible for him to have a job or any social connection. I hope that you are happy.

In fact why am i bothering to answer you. 

Do one pal!

Why would that be? Why should everyone blend in. 

You have a very small minded view. I dont blend in. I dont want to. Neither does he. 

You and me thrice

That is precisely why I avoid the associated stress levels through 121 engagement. You're wrong if you openly admit to ASD and equally wrong if you stay shtum about it as I do. People in both instances do not understand. In my case I am labeled as antisocial and a person to be avoided. I guess it's finally a personal choice with continuing with the social struggle and its associated stressful complications or by taking avoidance tactics. 

You’re absolutely right it that Pegg, ‘less distinct’ is exactly what it is as a ineffective p-protocol rusts in a corner of our mind, as the other behaviours we succeed-with then metastasise around a bad protocol, thus cutting us off from it for the most part.. you say that very well..

Hi Debbie, I absolutely acknowledge and support the fact that you feel unsafe in the streets, and I feel dreadful that we live in such a world as this - but it is also true that men are often  being labelled, as something vile, and that is as traumatising as feeling unsafe - imagine if everyone assumed you were another Lucy Letby, just because you happen to be a woman walking differently, looked at you with fear and crossed the road to get away from you... 

I hope we can all support each other in the difficulties we experience in life, the last thing any of us wants is a war of accusations between the sexes - what both men and women say and experience can both be true, believing what one person says does not invalidate the other person's experience.  We can both be believed, and I hope given some support, encouragement and advice to make the best of life in a difficult world. 

DeSpereaux said:

I think it’s the case that not being aware of encircle, before they close in makes being decimated all the more traumatising, because you have no clear understanding of the events.

Yes...  It can be very difficult to read a situation in which you're about to become a target for hostility... NTs have their own methods of masking, sometimes compounded by us being our authentic selves.. Their social code generally appears to exclude straightforward transactions or honest words. 

We weren't born masking, it's learned behaviour, arising from the rejection of our authentic selves by the NT world in which we must survive. There's an old picture of me, aged 4, at nursery - I'm painting - all the children are painting... But already I'm on my own, apart from the larger group. I had already been excluded, was already learning to mask. 

DeSpereaux said:

Whenever I approached these circumstances again I always seem to come up against, all these unprocessed experiences, that I had once left behind

Are they unprocessed, do you think? Or maybe we just live through them - and the next time we meet circumstances that resonate with past experiences we are reminded - but we can also be armoured by them, potentially.. I used to think that experience could be resolved, but now - that it is less resolved than absorbed into the tapestry of our lives, becoming less distinct, yet more integral to ourselves.

You have survived thus far and so you will continue to do so. In spite of the slings and arrows of life, which can throw us off course for a time, we do get better at living it.

These things work, except when they don't. I was approached in a rather sinister manner by a large, rather toothy fish when in the sea once. Invariably, if you flap your hand vigorously in their direction, fish will shoot away, but not this one. I had to jab it in the eye to discourage it.

I wondered if I should write a "dog attack in progress".

In difficult situations in the past, I have gone "psycho" calm.  I have no doubt this is just as effective at "ending" a situation as my alternative...which I find much more scary ie Number consumed by red mist and in chaos mode!

Nothing scares me more than myself, consumed by emotion.

Ummmmm.....no.  sorry, but no.

Maintaining eye contact with a dog....staring at them, if they are feeling anxious....is an ill-advised strategy unless you are experienced at expressing your intent and/or level of calmness with them.

I have to say, I learnt karate when I was younger, but whenever I've been in difficult situations, including when I was mugged, my mind has blanked and my freeze response has taken over.