Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello, hello,
I ask this, as, until recently I never realised how important my routines are to me. I've spent the first 20 years of my life sticking to the same things, same foods, same drinks, same shops and yet this morning when it came to buttering my toast an awful realisation fell upon me.
THERE WAS A DIFFERENT BUTTER TO THE ONE I'VE BEEN BUYING FOR YEARS!!!!!!
Noooooooo.
How could this happen?
I applied the INFERIOR IMPOSTER butter to a slice of toast but it was no good. I couldn't bring myself to try it. I was gagging, hands shaking.
I ended up in tears. Neurotypicals would surely think this is pathetic but I know my Neurokin will understand this horribly horrid situation.
Someone in my brain, one of the Mini Misters will be for the chop for allowing this to happen!
Sigh.
This is going to take the rest of the day to get over. I've not had any breakfast, the wrong butter is in the bin never to see the light of day again and now one must face the shops, and, buy the RIGHT butter.
Until this terrible ordeal I did not realise how much my routines mattered to Moi.
I get up at 7.54am in the morning. Not 8am or 7.55am but 7.54. I watch the clock and wait for the click to 7.54 which is not a sound but a change of time. I make myself a drink and go back to the bed and put the tv on. Then I get up at 8.25. Not 8.30 but 8.25 just well a habit. I watch the click when it gets near to it. I will get up not at 8.24 or 8.26 but 8.25.
I eat the same margarine. I have Tahini on my bap each lunchtime I like to have the same brand of Tahini.
I have phobias and they get worse at Christmas. I am not sure why. Food phobia can be worse because there are no buses on Christmas Day?? Also Christmas day can seem like an isolated landscape with a symbolic image of such.
I go to a certain cafe three times a week and like to go at the same time and sit in the same seat and tell myself I will stay 1.5 hours. Not all of it is phobic I can change stuff but kind of do it anyway???
Well just weird huh!!
Sounds totally reasonable and agreeable to me. I seem to have a bit of an issue with "the structure of time"....so that does not "chime", but the fundamental drive and "commitment" is very me.