Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello, hello,
I ask this, as, until recently I never realised how important my routines are to me. I've spent the first 20 years of my life sticking to the same things, same foods, same drinks, same shops and yet this morning when it came to buttering my toast an awful realisation fell upon me.
THERE WAS A DIFFERENT BUTTER TO THE ONE I'VE BEEN BUYING FOR YEARS!!!!!!
Noooooooo.
How could this happen?
I applied the INFERIOR IMPOSTER butter to a slice of toast but it was no good. I couldn't bring myself to try it. I was gagging, hands shaking.
I ended up in tears. Neurotypicals would surely think this is pathetic but I know my Neurokin will understand this horribly horrid situation.
Someone in my brain, one of the Mini Misters will be for the chop for allowing this to happen!
Sigh.
This is going to take the rest of the day to get over. I've not had any breakfast, the wrong butter is in the bin never to see the light of day again and now one must face the shops, and, buy the RIGHT butter.
Until this terrible ordeal I did not realise how much my routines mattered to Moi.
I work in education and although there are elements of routine (or at least an attempt at them!), you don't really know what will happen from one minute to the next. Weirdly, I have learned to expect and accept this. I don't ever believe the plans for the day 100%, so I don't get overwhelmed when they don't work out. I kind of plan to allow for the unpredictable.
During the school holidays I struggle with the lack of routine. It almost paralyses me. I achieve very little, hide from the world and feel miserable.
For the most part I think I can handle changes but then every so often one will come from left-field and I will be filled with rage and an inability to handle it. The seemingly little things are the absolute worst. The wrong butter would send me to hide in a 'duvet cave' for 24 hours, but I can handle a pupil having a nosebleed all over my lesson materials. Go figure!