'Asking' makes me feel really uncomfortable

Writing is easier if there is the option. I really need to be comfortable with the person. 

I hated it because I'd be the centre of attention. Sometimes the teacher would completely ignore me (as they clearly can see my hands up).

Now I'm like, is it acceptable? I feel like I've grown up just accepting the fact I should bottle it up. 

also this is why i love the GP news system where you just type for help online..... when the GPs were face to face and you needed to go in and verbally ask them id never go in, id never get anything seen to, so i let health things be ignored... now we have this ask my GP online thing, its so much easier to be seen to as it gets rid of the verbal request and makes it so you can just type on the internet chat box for help and get it. so it does help to write instead of verbalise. so i recommend asking for help written rather than verbal. it may help

to be fair i find it embarrassing to say anything to anyone... ask for help, say thanks, say good morning when a stranger says it to you. it all feels cringe to me.

even if i needed to go to my boss in his office and ask for a holiday form, it feels like i need mental build up to do it. i dont like talking to people i guess. or saying stuff. id have to really normalise with a person first. and im not normalised with my boss yet after 2 years with him lol when i am comfortable with a person i have nothing to say anyway or cant think of anything so its still silent.

whats good though is written word, text. it gets rid of embarrassment.... so in that matter, instead of asking for help perhaps writing for help would get around the embarrassment? but then its embarrassing when whoever read your written request comes to you and then asks you about it forcing a conversation.

I completely relate to this. I'll often go through a lot of unnecessary hardship because I'm incapable of asking others for help. At school, teachers used to say, asking for help is the easiest thing in the world just raise your hand.... I remember thinking to myself, if only it were that easy...

Yes I can relate a lot. I often go through a lot of trouble to try and do things on my own as it is so hard to ask. I always worry i will inconvenience others and about what they will think of me. But even with people I don’t know I find it very hard to ask for something.

I do see a therapy currently yeah. It's one of many things I work towards.

HMO said:

Yes. Either they've blown up or just gotten frustrated at me for asking a supposedly easy question. It pricks up every time I even consider asking someone for help, even if it doesn't actually result in them blowing at me.

If you every use a therapist then I would recommend working through this with them - it is a very common issue (trauma) that they are well trained to help you with. I found it incredibly useful in dealing with my avoidance techniques.

I very rarely go shopping on my own. It's almost always with someone. It's easier that way especially as there's no inherent need to go on my own.

Not many things make me feel as uncomfortable as asking. Even with a friend I was extremely close with I just couldn't do it, no matter how small the favour was. I probably could only do it if there was literally no other option.

I hate asking for help. I got laughed at so much as a kid for not being able to do things that 'everyone' found easy that I feel really embarrassed at the mere thought of admitting I can't do/don't know something.

I'm fine with asking someone to do something for me because it's more convenient, like asking my partner to pick something up at the shop on his way home from work to save myself a trip. It's only a problem if I need to ask because I wouldn't be able to do it myself at all.

Yes. Either they've blown up or just gotten frustrated at me for asking a supposedly easy question. It pricks up every time I even consider asking someone for help, even if it doesn't actually result in them blowing at me.

There's many times at work where, even when they would actively encourage me to ask if I'm struggling with something, I just didn't. I put myself through a difficult task completely on my own and it took someone to see me struggling to pitch in. I was too embarrassed to say anything and I didn't want to feel like I was the one who 'rocked the boat'.

I don’t like asking for help but in my case it’s because I’m very independent and I’d prefer to do things myself.

HMO said:

I feel like I'm being difficult and the other person is inevitably going to blow up at me.

This makes me think that someone has blown up at you before - was this the case? It may be an avoidance tactic you now use from that trauma.

For me it is the unknown of what reciprocation will be expected for the favour I'm asking for - that old autistic lack of social awareness around the rules. I remember a few bad experiences as a teen / early adult that made me resist asking for anything unless absolutely necessary.

Yeah, knowing the support I need and putting it into words is just about the hardest thing to do in the moment. I'm probably a bit better at identifying it now but even saying it is just something I don't allow to happen.

I set out to be the agreeable child who is quiet and always follows the rules when I was 5. Unfortunately that attitude doesn't work as an adult.

Yes I get this totally. I have a massive complex about not being able to do things 100% myself and being a failure. I think it stems from my childhood where I didn't understand lots of things, particually verbal instructions. I just tried to blend in and not draw attention to myself because of bullying. I would rather keep my head down, not understand things and hope to get away with it. In adult life I feel a failure if at work I ask for help, it doens't help that i oftern find it difficult to articulate what I need.