Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello,
I just got my formal diagnosis for Autism this morning at the age of 40.
I feel so mixed up and never felt more confused my life! I have a massive sense of relief, that now finally something explains why I struggle with things as much as I do and why I react to things in a certain way. I feel angry that no one (myself included) recognised it sooner, that I’ve struggled so much, even ending up hospitalised in a psychiatric ward, and no one there even considered autism as a diagnosis, that my parents never recognised it in me or my teachers. I feel scared about what this now means for the future, about whether to tell people, how I move forward from this. I feel numb. I feel sad that this is my life and resent the diagnosis. I feel like I want to shout it from the rooftops, and also tell not a soul. I feel like I need to research every single thing even more than I have already. I feel like celebrating and crying all at the same time.
I just wondered if this was a ‘normal’ response to getting a diagnosis? How did other people feel? What did you do next?
I was diagnosed on Thursday , aged 31, and I’m really struggling with these feelings too. I keep having phases of being frustrated and ashamed of it and not wanting anyone to know, then I go through phases of thinking I can’t change it and maybe telling people would help. I work as a teacher and I’m back in work on Wednesday and I cannot decide whether I should tell my headteacher or not. I feel like I’m in the wrong job now. I’ve had years of cbt for anxiety and ocd and always had hope that my struggles would go away with cbt and medication but now knowing that it’s autism means it won’t ever go and that’s the point I’m really struggling with. I just don’t know what to do!