Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello,
It has come to my attention over the past few months that I need to improve my communications skills, as I fear this will hinder my future prospects career wise and in personal life. I have always had issues with communication since childhood, this was excused as being shy and anxiety.
I find it difficult to reach out and ask for help, to verbalise any decisions I make (or when trying to make them), speak in a group setting regardless if it's face-to-face or on a call (e.g. teams or skype), talk when I don't think what I say has any value or is unnecessary.
For example, the last one is has been a big problem as of late. It feels as I am physically unable to talk about stuff I deem trivial, or if I know my opinion doesn't really hold any value. So much, I have resorted to completely avoiding the situation, which is getting me in quite a bit of trouble.
I have had a little look online about how to develop communication skills as an autistic person, but I don't know where to start. I am unsure of therapy yet, although I may pursue this later down the line, I just haven't had much luck with therapists yet which is why I'm reluctant to start there. What books or websites would you recommend? Any advice? I really would appreciate it.
I noticed that some of the tips on how to deal with this would be that some people find it easier to continue the conversation written down rather than verbally, which I do find much easier (and prefer) but I am more interested in trying to help in the situation where written communication is not possible.
Apologies if the format is not pleasant, I haven't posted much on this forum... yet
Autistic communication difficulties are not caused by being shy, although many of us will have been told that in the past.
We have a different style of communication and often that can be non verbal. It is usually related to auditory processing difficulties and needing extra time to process information and formulate what to say.
I have struggled with verbal communication my entire life and it is something that seems to get worse rather than better as I get older. For me communicating verbally takes such a huge amount of effort that I only do it when absolutely necessary. Small talk isn't necessary in my opinion.
I have found in the past I have had to script intensively when doing anything requiring verbal communication. That can work very well for things like verbalising decisions in a meeting or public speaking. However it works less well in two way conversation, due to the processing delays.
In a fast paced conversation we can't keep up with non autistic people because their brains work differently. Most of the time I simply can't think of anything to say at all, unless I have extensively prepared and planned in advance. If I do think of something the conversation will have moved on past that opportunity.
What you are essentially asking is how to learn more effective masking. Whilst it is possible it is exhausting and not good for us in the longer term. Too much masking will eventually lead to burnout, so I would encourage caution.
Others need to accept that as an autistic person you communicate differently to how they communicate. Not being able to communicate in their style should not be getting you into trouble.