Published on 12, July, 2020
I haven't been here for a bit. I have been looking for a community in the USA but it must just be harder here.
I have decided to stop covering up the things that make me more comfortable. I know some scenarios will still require me to fit in but I want close relationships where the people actually know me. No one knows me.
So I've been thinking about what I do when no one is around and what I do for other people. I want my friends and family to meet me in the middle so I'm not going to be too quick with this. I'll start small. For example, I prefer to sit on the floor. There is no position in the sofa that is as good, unless I am very tired and I want to recline. I figure my friends and family can just be ok with where I sit.
Also, I am going to ask when I don't understand an instruction and politely get them to be more specific. It's tiring trying to assess what I know about that particular person and what they may mean with what they are asking me to do.
So that's where I'm staring I think. Let me know if one of you has a reason that I should choose different options to behin presenting myself.
There's no perfect answer to this. Some of us mask more than others. Some circumstances can become unsafe for us if we don't mask. Yet we know masking isn't good for our mental health. And as you point out we all want to be liked and loved as we are, not for the front we can put up to cater to others - and anyway that's exhausting.
We've all been doing it to some degree for so long it can be hard even to identify when were are 'covering up'. I do like it though when I realise a little masking tactic is there in my presentation, and yes, comparing your behaviour alone and with others is a good way to spot these things, because then it becomes my choice to mask or not not.
In the end you sound like you have a sensible approach and you must pick the options that suit you best.