Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello everyone. I have a something that I'm really struggling with, and I'm wondering if anyone have any ideas about what I can do.
When I have a full-on meltdown, it tends be be very all-consuming. My meltdowns usually consist of me shouting very hurtful and very pointed insults at the people I care about, and the meltdowns can often last multiple hours. This causes me a tremendous amount of guilt, as I am otherwise very averse to upsetting people.
Now, I have begun to observe that meltdowns can often be prolonged or worsened by the very guilt which results from them, creating a vicious cycle wherein I start having a meltdown, then at some point the meltdown ebbs enough for me to, theoretically, begin to calm down, only for the thought of 'look at what you have done, you have had another meltdown' to seize me, which then causes my emotions to spike up again, sending me back into full meltdown.
Does anyone else find this happens? And if so, can you tell me how I might begin to deal with this?
This may be useless, but maybe you could try escaping from people when you are about to/ having a meltdown so that it lessens the opportunity for you to say hurtful things?
Either that or you could maybe sit the people you care about most down and explain to them pre-emptively that this may happen, that you are sorry and that you do not actually mean anything that you say. It won't fix anything but hopefully maybe then those people could remove themselves from any uncomfortable situation?