Published on 12, July, 2020
In my case, many have told me that I have made them feel uncomfortable so I've really had to look at myself.
I've never intended to, but I think me being so closed off emotionally (masking perhaps) plus a lot of bad habits didn't really help. I've spilled my guts to people I didn't know very well, and have probed people for personal info sometimes. I regret all of that and am a lot more aware of how I come across, as well as what's appropriate and what's not.
I started looking at how Ed Sheeran speaks and conducts himself in interviews. He'll be the first to admit that he's not the most expressive man in the world but I always think he has a coolness and swagger when he speaks and I wish I had that, but I'm basically masking if I try and emulate him.
The people who used to be in my life would probably describe me as quite expressive sometimes, even though my sense of humour has always been quite dry (another something which doesn't help perhaps?).
I guess it's just about finding that confidence.
No, not at all.. the only thing that matters to me in conversation with others or with myself, is that it is interesting, or within my procedural-memory’s protocols. I can’t understand myself or others at face value, because once I have the thread of interest, I don’t seem to perceive the environment at all.
Sometimes I just say something facetious or self-deprecating in a conversation, just in the process of trying to appease the room and I realise that everyone agrees with what I’ve said, then I have to make an interest of informing my new-reality.
I have found over-time that I can only really mask to a degree, because as soon as my interest takes over, it takes effort from others who-can-be-bothered to recover the subject. I have found that it is fruitless to interact and form relationships, with people who do not find that appealing or novel, its best to just prepare for the suitable-opportunity.
Confidence will only get you that last 10% of the way to a social-result, so if you are 90% away, there’s very-little use in expending your energy for a lost-cause.
I like your post, it resonates..