Published on 12, July, 2020
In my case, many have told me that I have made them feel uncomfortable so I've really had to look at myself.
I've never intended to, but I think me being so closed off emotionally (masking perhaps) plus a lot of bad habits didn't really help. I've spilled my guts to people I didn't know very well, and have probed people for personal info sometimes. I regret all of that and am a lot more aware of how I come across, as well as what's appropriate and what's not.
I started looking at how Ed Sheeran speaks and conducts himself in interviews. He'll be the first to admit that he's not the most expressive man in the world but I always think he has a coolness and swagger when he speaks and I wish I had that, but I'm basically masking if I try and emulate him.
The people who used to be in my life would probably describe me as quite expressive sometimes, even though my sense of humour has always been quite dry (another something which doesn't help perhaps?).
I guess it's just about finding that confidence.
I too am not a voluntarily expressive man. I have only ever dealt with the present without stressing myself with imaginings of what may be thought of me. I have lived my life according to my two premis's:
1. How important a roll this person I am speaking with has on my life. 99% of the time that person presents no roll in my life so what that persons impression of me is irrelevant. However, If what has been said is of value, it will be taken on board without any concern over what impression I give. Having said that I treat everyone with the respect they deserve and will politely agree to disagree if necessary---and sleep very comfortably that night.
2. I was raised to offer an opinion when it was asked for. I try my best to keep to that which is often misintrepreted as being aloof. If I have to make a point I try my best to be clear and sussinct to that point.
At a guess, closing myself off emotionally is how I insulate myself from derision,or rejection. I get no "kick" out of attempts to influence others and expect to be judged with fairness although I do try not to pre-judge others.
I will "open-up" when necessary to introduce myself to a group sometimes saying more than what is needed. Beyond that I try to be brief.
Yeah, it's that saying of "don't take criticism from someone you wouldn't take advice from" (or whatever it is) and I try to operate like that.
I also only really speak up when I feel I have something to say, as opposed to speaking for the sake of speaking. To others it seems like I'm being standoffish sometimes but it's more energy wasted trying to jump in with a group conversation that I know I don't belong in.
Well said. I echo that sentiment