Published on 12, July, 2020
In my case, many have told me that I have made them feel uncomfortable so I've really had to look at myself.
I've never intended to, but I think me being so closed off emotionally (masking perhaps) plus a lot of bad habits didn't really help. I've spilled my guts to people I didn't know very well, and have probed people for personal info sometimes. I regret all of that and am a lot more aware of how I come across, as well as what's appropriate and what's not.
I started looking at how Ed Sheeran speaks and conducts himself in interviews. He'll be the first to admit that he's not the most expressive man in the world but I always think he has a coolness and swagger when he speaks and I wish I had that, but I'm basically masking if I try and emulate him.
The people who used to be in my life would probably describe me as quite expressive sometimes, even though my sense of humour has always been quite dry (another something which doesn't help perhaps?).
I guess it's just about finding that confidence.
no i tend not to think about it... until later i guess.i want to be friends with everyone, so my default being friendly with everyone i guess makes me feel ok in my head and feel im doing ok.... but ofcourse, everyone else does weird stuff like read body language which my body language maybe not friendly, and sees that i dont speak very much, and so assume i hate them, instead of my own perception that im being friendly with everyone.it then gets a issue that i cant read them too, when anything happens and i detect some sort of tension that i cant place and say..someone reporting you at work trying to get you in trouble and i cant figure out who it is and which one is being fake or sarcastic with me, it kinda sets me on a paranoid mode in which i dont know who to trust and i think of all the ways each person would hate me and why they would act against me in order to try figure it out, which then i try to think of how i come across to them and figure out any fault on my end which they could perceive as hostile to them. of which sometimes i feel my being friends with everyone likely causes a issue with some as if you be friendly with a person that another hates then they then hate you too for being friendly with the person they dont like. or perhaps see you as against them for being friendly with that person.
although yeah this on many occasions led to me being friends with people who are not my friends. first example was the person i thought i was friends with in primary school but was actually my bully. which only realised at the end of primary and start or high. i very well could be friends with people at work now that hate me to their core and are trying to get me fired which im trying to figure out if its a possibility.