Published on 12, July, 2020
In my case, many have told me that I have made them feel uncomfortable so I've really had to look at myself.
I've never intended to, but I think me being so closed off emotionally (masking perhaps) plus a lot of bad habits didn't really help. I've spilled my guts to people I didn't know very well, and have probed people for personal info sometimes. I regret all of that and am a lot more aware of how I come across, as well as what's appropriate and what's not.
I started looking at how Ed Sheeran speaks and conducts himself in interviews. He'll be the first to admit that he's not the most expressive man in the world but I always think he has a coolness and swagger when he speaks and I wish I had that, but I'm basically masking if I try and emulate him.
The people who used to be in my life would probably describe me as quite expressive sometimes, even though my sense of humour has always been quite dry (another something which doesn't help perhaps?).
I guess it's just about finding that confidence.
I'm very self conscious as to how others perceive me.. Generally I feel that I do put others off, perhaps because I mask a lot and they see through it.
I'm never sure if that's my anxiety telling me this and making me feel even more self conscious. I tend to avoid people so I don't feel so self conscious.
A lot of the things people liked about me were things I never saw in myself - maybe they saw beyond the mask but I don't know.
I am shy and awkward, and I realise that can't help either, but I can't magic up confidence as much as I wish I could.
I think it is largely anxiety related, it certainly is for me.
It's mostly anxiety related for me as well. Every time I try to achieve confidence anxiety whisks it away from me.
It's nice when people see positives in me. I never see what they see but appreciate it when they tell me.
I wouldn't fake it. They also say "the best person to be is yourself, no one likes a fake". I think that's solid and true advice.
I'm trying to get better at just accepting compliments and positive words for what they are - I used to have the tendency to feel like I need to make a joke or something.
They say "fake it til you make it" but I don't know how practical that is for us Autistics.