Published on 12, July, 2020
I'm not diagnosed- but I am confident I have autism which I've realised since my Mum died.
I've been in a relationship for 5 years. For most of the time we've been happy - I think. But my partner has a real challenge with every acknowledging my feelings. I feel I'm told what I should think or what I feel is wrong.
I've only become aware of emotional abuse and how autistic folk can be particularly prone to it. I really tried this evening with my partner to get an acknowledgement at least of what I felt when I suggested (half jokingly) to get married april of this yeat and it was totally ignored as if it wasn't said at all. And I could get nothing other than it was disrespectful to ask in that way. I said I accepted it was not the greatest way to ask - but pressed how he thought I felt when it wasn't acknowledged at all. And just got told it was disrespectful and somehow the conversation turned into a lecture of how I say bad stuff about my dad.
I don't want to over think but I have this real overwhelming feeling that my partner is actually emotionally abusing me by constantly telling me what I'm feeling is wrong, putting me down and generally making me feel bad about myself more than he makes me feel good.
Sorry for rambling post but any advice?
An uneven partnership is no partnership at all. That kind of behaviour - towards anyone, not only autists - is bad enough but it's even worse when the perpetrator uses it as a tactic regardless of how they actually feel about a situation. That can become a habit of theirs, to be rolled out when they themselves are actually to blame: it's saying 'I am superior to you and you are foolish.' Uneven; and a partner who takes advantage is no true partner.
Thank you for replying Steven. It's really appreciated.
My partner has a real problem with blame - and often gets very unhappy / agitated when he feels he's being blamed for something - even if it's legitimate.
I recorded one of our conversations earlier - mainly because I can get so overwhelmed and confused when we have them. At all times I was calm and fairly gentle where as he was getting agitated and annoyed. I could listen back and noticed 90% of the conversation he's doing all the talking.
I think my partner may have NPD. I know ending it may seem like the best solution but it's just not that easy when there's 5 years worth of history and frankly I'm no spring chicken.