Published on 12, July, 2020
ive noticed as an adult that i am extemly isolated and lonely. i have my girlfriend (also adhd) but no matter how hard i try at work to actually be friends, they will always just be co workers. my therapist doesnt know how to help me make friends and online chat rooms have been no help. My girlfriend does not have this stuggle. she is in bands, she is in school and works, and she has friends in all of them. is it just me? why cant i make friends. i am struggling and i am alone. i need help. i struggle with suicidal idiations and the more alone i feel every day the more it worsens, i had a friend and he ghosted me after 5 years. i dont know what to do, any advice aprriceated
ElliottGoomba said:ive noticed as an adult that i am extemly isolated and lonely
I like your handle. "Goombah" takes me back to my youth brought up on the streets of Brooklyn where I often heard the greeting "Heyyy Goombah" shouted out by an italian guy to another.
I've spent a sad lifetime in isolation even while surrounded by people. I'm usually ignored or snubbed because I am misunderstood in my reactions (or lack of input or reaction) as they are usually misinterpreted. as some form of snobbery. My wife's life has been ruined on account of me. She became a very fearful woman suffering with agoraphobia. I'm not a bully nor have I ever threatened her. I live with that burden as I struggle with displays of affection which probably caused her condition. We have been together 40+ years. I don't know why she has put up with me. I too have no friends which is why I dip in and out of this forum. I was diagnosed with ASD at age 76
NAS86592 said:My wife's life has been ruined on account of me. She became a very fearful woman suffering with agoraphobia. I'm not a bully nor have I ever threatened her. I live with that burden as I struggle with displays of affection which probably caused her condition.
Has she actually said that or are you being overly harsh on yourself?
I have a tendency towards agoraphobia myself and it is a very debilitating condition I wouldn't wish on anyone. However I wouldn't blame it on anyone. The cause is probably very deep rooted in childhood, maybe even inherited. I know my mum suffered from it very badly throughout my childhood.
Best wishes to your wife in her struggles. I do try and make an effort to go out every day but it never seems to get any easier.
without actually uttering those specific words she has made it very clear to me that she has nothing and wishes for death.
It's a case of making the best of what you have despite differences. The problem begins when the kids grow up and leave. Our focal point is gone and we are left with each other---and it wears a bit thin.
A mutually agreed-upon compromise-complex.. very interesting.. I’m going to consider that insight..
Blame is an irrelevancy. It is said opposites attract. This was the case with my parents and so it seems to be with my wife and I. She is very highly strung. I am quite the analytical dullard in comparison. When we first met, our respective circumstanced put us in a situation that required action. So, we decided to tie the knot and try to make something positive. It's been quite a wild roller coaster ride these past 42 years. The operative phrase "complexed compromisation" is appropriate in this relationship, but it has worn very thin. Perhaps our age has made us more inflexible, more intolerant?
I was there for much of the last ten years of our relationship.
In my case it turned out that I needed to man up and start taking the lead a bit more.
She still tells me that she is unhappy, but I see the actual evidence or manifestation of misery a lot less.
I came to feel that if I was going to take the blame for our shred life, I may as well take the actual responsibility.and lead a bit more!
Seems to be working.
Women! They are a strange kinda bloke...
Sometimes, people can inadvertently-weaponise unhealthy-feelings, in an attempt to push a point. If they can identify these feelings, and the outcome of the communication as a result, it can lead to healthier outcomes and talking..