Published on 12, July, 2020
I've been speaking to a therapist since March; they're autistic and we'd speak every other week. I enjoy my sessions with them as I feel there's no judgement and they feel comfortable, although it's a lot harder to drop the mask than I thought (not their fault though).
I've become even more reliant on our sessions since a somewhat traumatic event that happened in May, because it's now only one of two outlets where I get to have a one-to-one conversation with someone on a regular basis.
They've currently been going through a difficult time and have had to take time away from work. We go abroad this week so by the time we come back, it will have been 8 weeks since our last session.
I'm having conflicting feelings. I would much rather they take all the time they need to be in the right headspace for our sessions, but losing that outlet to talk about things is difficult. I know it's not permanent and us going abroad (change of scenery and environment) might alleviate some of it but it hasn't stopped my emotions from being a bit more dysregulated than normal, and me feeling a bit lost.
You said you had conflicted-feelings, may task what you mean, it may help me get a better idea of the extent of your discouragement..? Though I will say that it is not uncommon to become attached to a service-providers services..
I understand why they've had to take time off but I still find it hard, and I feel guilty.
My life is very different to what it was even 4 months ago. I'm reliant on my sessions with my therapists as a means of even getting to have a conversation with anyone (who I've gotten to know).
Between the event and last week, I was able to at least speak to one of the two people (them and this other trusted contact). I won't be able to now until early September and I'm worried I'm going to be stuck in my own head.