Didn't know I had it in me! Slipping the mask off to take a real look..

HI I recently was waiting for the bus to come fetch me home from the gymnasium. It is always on time.

But this time it was over one and a half hours late. I got more and more agitated, sitting by the door of the Gym.

I was in this public place and didn't feel safe just cutting loose. But once the bus did come i just kind of lost it a bit, asking the driver why over and over, just being told that it just was was.

Then after boarding, very tense, I was told there would be 2 MORE additional stops and I just lost it. banging the window and kicking. I'm in my bloody 60s!

This hasn't happened in many decades. This isn't "like me.", whoever that is. It's "out of character" -- and so it is that Ive been acting out a character with a mask.

Recently, I have been delighted and horrified (as seen above) with myself more than a few times recently as I take the audience away and just abide in the truth of my nature.

I've been trying to let the mask down a little at a time in public now to find that authentic self again

and I see more and more what this iron-fisted control and the mask of self censure has been damping down.

The driver was a tad freaked out, another person on the bus just laughed. This laughing ,oddly, helped

and brought me back. I did the breathing and slipped the mask back on in under a minute. then came the apologies.

I'm working on managing these unexpected changes in myself and in my

experiences from a less masked but more gracious balance. I may seek some help on this. ..