Struggletown

I guess I'm just here for a bit of a vent. 

I have been doing pretty fine since my diagnosis but after feeling deep, deep work dread yesterday followed by today being a *** show at work - tonight I have just crumbled a little bit and I'm not coping so well. 

I feel like every work day is like running a marathon, I have to keep going through fear, grit and adrenaline, then as I finish at 5pm I just go and lie down for about half an hour...no music, no phone just with my eyes shut to try and ease the stress out of my muscles that have become so taught. 

It's 4 and half hours since I finished work and that whole time I was telling myself to get in the kitchen and make some dinner. A few times I walked in but came out either with water or a G&T. I have a fridge full of food but the idea of making any of it into a dish to eat feels so overwhelming and impossible I could just cry. 

I've given up on the idea of eating and have come to bed to watch some shows but I think I might just go to sleep. 

I feel like such a failure for being an adult who can't even do basic care for themselves. Everything is so exhausting.

(sorry you don't have to reply to this I just wanted to get it out thanks for reading)