Published on 12, July, 2020
Does anyone else often feel like this?
I'm 26. I formed some friendships over the last two years which, for me, felt like the first time I had genuine ones. The problem was I didn't realise that adult friendships are different to those you have as a child.
You may not necessarily meet/hang out/spend time together as much, and because of that I think I found it difficult. I was trying to capture what I didn't have as a child which was those friends who I would meet up and hang out with. I would try really hard to organise meet-ups and before the plans all got cancelled cos of circumstances, I was trying to fit in six meet-ups (with up to 10 people that live in different cities) this summer.
I had this sense of "time is running out" and as a result I was very hasty with it all and as a result just added more stress for me. I didn't like feeling lonely but I didn't handle it very well.
I don't know if this makes any sense but I hope it does.
I never went to university and that's arguably the best place to make friends that will actually last. College never did that for me.
I'm at that stage where perhaps naively, I'm expecting things to be the same as they might have been 5-10 years ago, and it would be so easy to organise a group day out or something.
I see others doing it with no bother (neurotypical people mainly) but I know comparing myself to them is a slippery slope.
I still feel like I want to have fun with my life but I'm about 10 years behind the people around me (mentally) and I'm hastily playing catch-up.
I think I spent most of my life doing this in some ways I’m still doing it today. It’s fundamentally unfair that so many of these experiences that most people get to have as a norm seem closed off from you after you reach a certain age.
like spending whole days hanging out with your mates getting into trouble. working on a project together. or just cruising the neighbourhood together looking for something to do. sleepovers House Party’s.
maybe it’s not The kind of thing that would interest you but when I got to university I knew people who had done things like spin the bottle when they were younger. No one wants to do that when you’re a uni student, it’s no longer cool. It’s about drinking from the bottles not spinning them.
once people start uni work and jobs they don’t have time to spend the day playing video games with their mates or muck about in their amateur band or design and code that video game they’ve been talking about for ages.
Life becomes less playful less experimental. it’s less about trying new things with your friends and more about doing the things that you know relax you. Fewer adventures more breaks.
there is a fairly narrow window between maybe 13 and 21 where for most people their friendships are all about adventures and trying new things as opposed to just recuperating from the exhausting ordeal of living and providing each other mutual support. And if you come to that party late it seems like you just don’t get to have any of that. And it’s not fair.