I Give Up

I'm sorry you're feeling this way. I'm also both gay and autistic and it's a struggle being part of two marginalised communities. Intersectionality is a challenge sometimes when you're dealing with it! 

Work is hard, but here are some things I found which might be useful for you to look into:

https://www.scope.org.uk/employment-services/support-to-work/?gad=1&gclid=Cj0KCQjw4s-kBhDqARIsAN-ipH3ShCX-uLK_OZ0VwpNfFcQ16a8Kvwb0FuSfMdmZdeMFPfIIXBjM2zUaAqXGEALw_wcB

https://www.employmentautism.org.uk/

https://www.ambitiousaboutautism.org.uk/what-we-do/employment/work-experience-opportunities-alerts-signup

https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/disability-confident-employers-that-have-signed-up

All the best, and don't give up - the right thing will come along for you in the end, and we're here to listen and help! 

Akendolfr said:

I'll never be able to get a job I'll be happy with because the system is designed to keep me from having any level of satisfaction in my life

I have done a lot of hiring for medium to large organisations in my life - recruiting service desk staff, IT technicians and other IT managers so have plenty of experience of this in different places.

There is no "system" or conspiracy to keep you or even people like you from gettting it.

It is simply the fact that autists have problems with social cues and rules so tend to come across as "something is off with this person" during the interview and as a recruiter you have to consider if this will impact the rest of the team and/or the customers we support.

We won't normally get to see if the candidate is disabled unless they bring it up - this has been a concious decision by HR departments that do the initial filters of candidates so that we cannot be seen to discriminate against disabled people.

At interview stage it will depend a lot on the training and predisposition of those hiring, but if it is an NT involved (we normally have at least one other person in on the interview panel unless if it for a fixed term contract position) then undisclosed autists will often feel odd and are quite likely to be overlooked in favour of an NT who seems like a great cultural fit for the team.

I used to take different members of my team to the interviews and use it to train them in detecting concious bias so they could become better themselves in future - deciding what characteristics would work well in a team environment is something that needs to be trained so it is as inclusive as it can be.

As a candidate for these roles you have a key choice to make.

1 - Mask. Be that team member that they want to see who is engaging, social and enthusiastic. This will quite possibly get you the role but chances of burnout are very high.

OR

2 - Be authentic to yourself. Tell the truth, show your positive sides and explain how this will work to the advantage of the team. If you don't have these qualities then chances are this sort of role is not going to ever make you happy either.

At the end of the day it is just the fact that autists are the oddballs in the world where 90% are neurotypical so we will stand out, have problems doing things the way they do and will always have struggles to fit into the working environment on equal terms.

There are plenty of roles that work very well with our traits however (programmer / developer, database admin, server admin, engineer, gardener, photographer, forrester etc etc - maybe try to find something you really enjoy, get really, really good at it and you can have a career in that area which makes you happy.

I don't think the system is deliberately designed to keep us from belonging or getting a job, it's just a side-effect of thinking and acting very differently to the people it is designed for.

It is hard to get a job. I have had long periods of unemployment and had to give up on my chosen career of librarianship because I did badly at the jobs I had and then really struggled with interviews trying to get a new one. I only got my current job (not librarianship, a very lowly office admin job) because I knew my boss from my place of worship, so there was no interview. I still mess stuff up at work a lot.

What skills do you have? Have you got any that can be used in self-employed work from home work? I think we tend to do better with those kinds of jobs. I am trying to set myself up as a freelance proofreader and copy-editor, but even that is not easy.

Glad you're doing better. Sorry to hear about your interview, but remember that's their loss and there will be others which will hopefully next time be successful :) 

Dear Akendolfr,

I’m sorry you are going through such a tough time, it’s good that you’ve let us know what’s happening/how you feel. Many people have similar thoughts when coping with so much and we hope you’re okay.   

If you are unable to cope with the distress or despair, it’s very important to tell someone about your feelings or thoughts of suicide. Call your GP and make an urgent appointment. Your GP can make sure you get appropriate help and support.  

If it’s outside your GP hours call  111 to reach the NHS 111 service:  

https://www.nhs.uk/nhs-services/urgent-and-emergency-care-services/when-to-use-111/  

The Samaritans also provide confidential non-judgemental emotional support, 24 hours a day on 116 123, or by email on jo@samaritans.org.  

MIND have information pages on coping with self harm or suicidal feelings based on the experiences of people who’ve been through it that you may find helpful.   

If you are very close to doing something to hurt yourself - call 999 now or go to your nearest A&E department. There should be someone there to support you and make sure you get ongoing support.  

You can find more information here:  

https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/mental-health/suicide 

 Kind regards,

Clare Mod

Akendolfr said:

People keep telling me that I could do this or do that, but none ever tell me how or even point me in the right direction.

Challange accepted!

If you want to share some specifics for what you are looking for in terms of work then I'm up for helping explain to you how to get yourself ready to be able to do these.

I've been a mentor for plenty of people starting (mostly in the IT field) who have autistic issues.

Be aware that this, like anything in life, is a challenge that requires you to put in effort and time, but I'm certain you will be able to do it if you find the positivity.

If you don't want to share on the forum then add me as a friend and I can help you via messaging. Just hover the cursor over my name and you will get a pop up with the option to Request Friendship.

As for taking the easy way out - you get to miss out on all the good stuff that comes later on. I don't recommend even considering it as an option.

Oh maybe not getting the request come through it is a forum bug then. There are a few on here and folk have been listing them for a while on https://community.autism.org.uk/f/adults-on-the-autistic-spectrum/31833/forum-technical-problems/  Ausomely Autistic Did you receive the one I sent you?

Thank you. The request hasn't shown up yet, but I'll look out for it.

Oh Thank goodness you had me really worried. I dropped you a friend request in case you wanted someone to DM and talk more, but ofc you don't have to accept it if you don't feel like it.

Thank you for your replies. I'm feeling better now. I was set off this morning because I failed a job interview, but I'm over it now.

Well atleast give Samaritans a ring first 116 123 and see if you still feel the same way after, before you go do anything permanent.

I just have to die. It's the only way out.

You really do sound low!  I'm sorry it is proving so hard to forge onwards.  I'm no use with helplines and whatnot....I hope someone will remind you of the folk who might help you.

I wish you improving fortune.

Although I aim for work that I can be happy doing, I haven't placed my greatest emotional investment in it. Really the bare bones of it are that I could do any old job as long as it paid the bills and allowed me a little left over to do my own thing. And I think this is what has kept me (and my other half actually) sane. The "get a career and work your way up" lifestyle is a lie and a trap to get unpaid overtime out of people, because we know there aren't enough higher up positions for everyone to advance anyway, even if you did everything right and jumped through all the corporate hoops statistically you may still never be promoted. So my advice is never fully invest in something that isn't invested back in you. You can apply for any old job as long as it pays the bills. Find your joy elsewhere and leave the job as a mere means to an end.
Or as this guy says: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YHxwY3Fz2gU

I hear the word "opportunity" so much that it has lost all meaning. People keep telling me that I could do this or do that, but none ever tell me how or even point me in the right direction. I'm beginning to think that people are just repeating the same nonsense others have told them without actually knowing what they are really saying.

There is no path for me. The only certain solution is death. I just hate myself for not being able to go through with it.

You are searching for a job....and it is making you very unhappy.  Perhaps search for some/any positivity about yourself and the potential that exists within....and maybe the job will find itself and present to you.

Sorry if this optimistic and hopeful sounding message is too "happy" for you at the moment.  I have walked the long dark corridors of misery myself - I do know how unbearably bleak everything can feel and how it looks like an insurmountable mountain of hopeless krap ahead.  I also now that it always gets brighter and lighter soon enough.

Concentrate on trying to be happier in the moment.

Best wishes to you Akendolfer.

Number.

I'm sure i read somewhere the amount of autistic adults with autism is about 70%....... That's terrible isn't it ?

I'm retired now, out of the rat race. When i was younger i worked in offices and didn't fit in. I never realised at the time i was autistic but looking back think no wonder they chose me to make redundant, I'd often say the wrong thing.

I spent most of my working life driving a Cab, so you're self employed and don't need to fit in. But find anything that's self employed maybe the way out.