Very Lost and isolated but that's okay

This is my first time posting anything like this, I find social media to be very intimidating and so I'm hoping this might be a safe space. Sorry if it's kinda long.

I'm eloa, 21 years old and am currently awaiting my official assessment with a suspected 2.5 year waiting list. I recently finished around 6 months of therapy in which I found out that I might be autistic. My therapist was "99.9%" sure I had high-functioning autism and after a ton of personal research into it I realised that I had finally found some answers to why I am this way. To say I'm lost would be an understatement, I've never fit in with any group around me and even feel isolated from my family. I have a lot of mental health problems coming from a lot of trauma and so it's been very difficult trying to find out what specifically is causing so many issues for me but reading some books such as "The reason I jump" really made me feel like I might not be alone. 


I have never met anyone like me in my life, even my therapist who works extensively with people on the spectrum told me that I was a very unique and interesting person to assess, still not sure wether this is a compliment or not? Anyway I find myself being isolated socially for a majority of my time as the mix of having autism with my other mental health issues has created quite the combo to deal with.

I have 1 friend I talk to occasionally and growing up I was able to have 1-2 people I was friendly with around me from time to time but the distance between us mentally just made me feel even more alone. Life is very hard, very tiring and stressful, I feel completely mentally isolated from anyone my age and so I have always tended to be on my own. I find pretty much everything on a day to day basis exhausting and unrewarding. I tend to focus on my art and my few obsessions to help get me through the days but I can never shake that overwhelming feeling that I just don't think I'm meant to be here.

I feel very much lost, frustrated and overwhelmed. But I think that's okay, I really do just want to try and meet people like me but I always felt as though anyone like me would be just as isolated and unwilling to communicate so I never took the chance to post like this.I just want to try and find that level of comfort each day that means I can continue to cope with all of this, doing this alone is completely crushing. 

p.s anyone reading to the end I appreciate a lot so pls take a flower Cherry blossom 

Parents
  • Thanks for the flower - it was crunchy and delicious...

    Can you say why you feel lost? You have just found out a lot about yourself and why you are the way you are - that is more than most neurotypical people ever get.

    I would say rather than trying to find more people just like you, embrace your uniqueness and learn to love being you. There will be bits that are a pain, some bits that a downright nuisance but other bits that are wonderful when you learn to harness them.

    The spectrum means that people on it get a scatter shot approach to their traits / symptoms. Few people have exactly the same as the others but when you consider the finite number of traits and the 7 million people in the UK alone who are on the spectrum, there is a huge chance that there are many just like you out there, including in your age group.

    Be patient. Coming to terms with what it means to be autistic is a learning process Don't let age define who you want to talk with as the chances are a friend will be online anyway - best when you have an issue with distance to friends.

    To find friends it is probably best to work from your areas of special interests - this is a great way to meet other autists and because of that shared passion, it is easier to work with other differences to still get along great as friends. Just remember to say when you are feeling the need to have some space and reciprocate this too and this common respect will keep the friendship going.

    Please lurk on the boards and contribute when you feel ready and you will probably find friends on here as time goes on.

    Be patient and always feel free to ask questions - there is a surprising amount of knowledge on here to draw from.

    Now, do I have any petals stuck to my teeth....

  • Iain what a wonderful reply, well said

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