Avoiding Hugs

I suppose when I started the thread I was a little too keen to try and avoid hugs when a lot of people really like them. I do too with my loved ones and when I try and avoid it's never in my mind a rejection of others - more a way to feel comfortable myself. I suppose there's lots of reasons people are or aren't keen on touch / hugs, a persons brain and motivations are all so unique you never can tell.

Thanks for your replies, helps me to see from others perspective too on this one.

I reckon so, I tend to avoid them with people I don't know as I'm not sure how they will feel or smell and that's quite big for me. 

Thank you. That's helpful. I recognise the times you describe as times when people I know hug me or others, but it is nice to have it spelt out.. I guess I lack confidence having got it wrong in the past.

I usually initiate it when someone is sad, I'd say "do you want a hug?". It communicates my compassion better than my ability to frame words so even when I accidentally say something a bit useless or stupid the hug makes it clear that my intentions are good but my words aren't well-spoken.

Also when I'm saying hello and goodbye to a friend whom I like and know that appreciates a hug. It also tells them that I'm happy to see them or not happy for saying goodbye to them better than my words since I'm not so good with small talks or expressions.

I also use it to say Thank you I'm very grateful to someone who did something I'm very grateful for. My face and voice wouldn't communicate much of my gratitude because the face stays straight with slight smile and the words don't say more than a regular thank you but just many times. The hug communicates that feeling much better.

I hope it helps you figure out when it's appropriate or not to give a hug

I like hugs too, but I think it is partly because I am very tactile. As I hug I often think about the texture (and sometimes smell) of the clothes the hugger is wearing. Also after having a lot of rejection in my life, I see a hug as a form of acceptance.

However I am very wary about initiating a hug, as I find it difficult to understand when it is appropriate.

Yes, it's less romantic for most people but not what I'm interested in. I think that I'm very lonely recently and missing some intimacy and that's why I want to snog with people. Probably wouldn't like it some other time haha

What about offering them a kiss on the cheek? Then it probably wouldn't be considered romantic.

Because it's considered romantic and people would think that I'm flirting while I'm not. Even if I would say "believe me it's not flirting" I don't think they will believe it. It's just very romanti intimate activity to a lot of people which I understand. I've been to a kissing workshop tho. since it was in a setting of a workshop, no body misunderstood it. Search for one in your area

I like hugs, and they are so rare in my life (I would never presume to initiate one and the right circumstances are aeons apart) that I wish was more in the moment when they occur instead of being self conscious about how well I’m hugging back - too much, too little? Sufficiently relaxed? 
 
None of my family were huggers growing up. Still aren’t. It never occurred to me how common that otherwise is in other households and social groups.
 
But.. mutually initiated fond IRL hug with a friend for instance… I do like them, but years could pass between such an event (in my case anyway) and I never like to presume I haven’t had my last hug. 

Hello. Congratulations on the diagnosis! I'm not a huggy person either, I try to avoid physical contact because it makes me extremely uncomfortable. My mum doesn't like hugs either. I think it must be an autistic thing.

I also dislike hugs from people, but ended up being a hugger because my husband is very social and it just looked wierd for him to be hugging all our friends (99% of them are our friends because of him, and he encourages me to make a conscious effort. Otherwise I'd happily live on a desert island without any interaction) and me stood to one side grimacing. That developed as part of masking to fit in, but I'm starting to do stuff like position myself a little further away when leaving so I can avoid them if possible. 

Why doesn't it work?! I'd certainly agree to that!

Anyway, has anyone got any advice about how to encourage people to hug me? I want MORE hugs!

Yeah. It is definitely considered a romantic thing (I don't always see it that way, sometimes I'm just curious). Hugging is intimate as well tho. If I have to choose I'd choose the snogging thing. Sometimes I wonder how it feels like with someone. Maybe I'm just desperately lonely lol

Oh right you mean snogging. But presumably that only applies to a romantic partner anyway.

I thought you meant like the kiss goodbye we sometimes end up doing on the cheek with relatives and friends.

Yeah, I'm actually not talking air kissing, I'm talking intimate kiss like the one in romantic movies. It could seem so gross specially if someone has dirty teeth or bad breath or simply rude, but otherwise I kind of prefer that to hugging.. maybe I'm gross.

But hugging someone who smells bad or rude to me isn't pleasant at all either 

I think the Italians do this nice thing where they air kiss. I may have to double check, but I prefer that, I'm okay with that when sometimes people do it with me, but I have no idea how I'd get that info "up front" either in the moment or just passively mentioning it to let people know I'd rather do it that way that isn't a really blunt mass sms chain to everyone I know lol, because I get the feeling the NTs in my life would misconstrue it as some passive aggressive rejection or something.

I'm not a hugger either but I like kissing. In my imaginary ideal world it would be ok to say "no I'm not a hugger but can I kiss you instead?". I know that it doesn't work in our world tho hehe

I wonder why people take a "no" personally. There's some gratitude that I have when someone feels comfortable enough to say no to me. I then know that they know their boundaries and feel comfortable, safe enough to share it with me. This generally makes me feel grateful and more comfortable around that human 

That would be my luck, I just don’t get why people need to touch when greeting each other. I’ve been married for 30+ years, my wife always asks if it’s okay to hug me, I don’t normally decline the offer unless I’m in a shutdown or anxious, at least being asked gives time to prepare for it.

NGL I've had meltdowns where this felt physically possible.