Published on 12, July, 2020
Hey, I've been reading a few books (including "Untypical" by Pete Wharmby which has been recently released) and read a lot about masking, particularly in relation to girls and women.
Thing is, I don't mask so I find this a bit of a mystery. I cannot hide any of my traits or emotions, and when I read of girls sitting and watching how others interacted and copying people's social cues, I'm baffled. How did they do this? As a child I played by myself and was according to other people 'totally in my own world'. I couldn't copy other people's behaviours to fit in if I tried.
I do wonder sometimes if my life would be easier if I could mask - to be able to pass as normal when there's someone you need to impress who will only respect you if you appear to get the social code.
But I've also seen how damaging masking has been to my autistic friend who was late diagnosed - in these last few years I'm only starting to see the 'real her' because she's been masking the whole time.
Are there autistic people here who don't mask?
A better term is Camouflaging. "Masking" as a technical word in psychology is something most do at an unconscious level. Some in the Autistic community are changing the word or using the phrase "Autistic Masking" when they mean play-pretending to be like others by attempting to mimic external behaviours.
Some Autistic individuals might do this like cosplay, some better than others if raised with middle class values, as they may have been given mannerisms or rules to adhere to - this doesn't always imply one understands why. Or in cases where there's a real fear to not 'being like everyone' it can be easier to just go silent.
Masking is something everyone does. This is a good explanation https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/True_self_and_false_self
But Autistic Masking is a term for making a conscious effort without being rewarded for it, while a NT will subconsciously have the understanding why and will feel a neurological "reward" for blending in. It's a complicated mechanism that's in a sense "coded" into individuals through language. So if I'm not wired with neatly pruned hyper Left-Brain connexions, but rather use a different system for reasoning and understanding the world, then chances are I might not have "downloaded" the codes to help me play along with others :)
As a high flying masker I do think a lot of it is subconscious! I've done it for so long it's part of who I am. But yes it's a huge effort without the same payback.
There is a difference between operating in Survival Mode vs Jungian Masking. I have a feeling what most Autistics are referring to is Survival instinct and not learned masking, which in Psycho-analysis is a way of navigating socially with a kind of fluidity. But the Analyst's goal is to help one become an individuals rather than part of a collective. Where the Autistic is already not part of the collective, but too individual.
Once there's a better understanding of this it's easy to stop using the term as it doesn't apply. But it also becomes easier to learn to shed unhealthy habits one may have picked up from attempting to fit in. I'd almost say, with the right mentorship, There's a better chance of Autistics thriving as unique individuals - something a NT might not ever achieve. The "Mask" sort of networks them into their "matrix" as it were.