Disclosing Autism.

Hi, I also find it hard to know whom to tell... I’ve not told many people and I have had very mixed reactions. From my closest friends, whom I told first, I mostly got the following reaction: ‘oh I’m also autistic or I am awaiting assessment’ - I just hadn’t known they were also neurodivergent- and the other close friends also reacted very positively. I’ve also had friends react with curiosity as they have wondered if they could be autistic and wanted to better understand my experience. My mum was initially puzzled (as was I) when autism was mentioned but she has been incredibly supportive and we suspect she is also on spectrum. Those are the good reactions.

My dad got mad and said it was an excuse and i was ruining my life by accepting my autistic identity. Saying how my autistic traits were in fact ‘normal’ that he had also had to teach himself to socialise and script conversations etc. I suspect he might also be on the spectrum (he has very strong special interests, and lots of other traits too).

Then I’ve had the ‘oh everyone is a little autistic reaction’. Which is very unhelpful though it doesn’t come from an unkind place. 

or disbelief: but you can’t possibly be autistic... also very unhelpful 

then the ‘oh I’m so sorry reaction’ with a tone that suggests i just told them I had terminal stage cancer. 

I’m considering telling 1 or 2 people at my new lab. Mainly because I want to increase understanding of autism because it’s been talked about in very negative ways in an academic setting. And I find it hard to not tell and hide it. But sometimes that is for the best too. What I do find helps is to prepare the ground by over weeks just explaining individual traits eg. « I will work from home this afternoon, I’m sensitive to noise and focus better in my room ».  Or ‘don’t worry when I look this way it doesn’t mean I’m upset , it’s my neutral facial expression and I’m perfectly fine’ (people often think i am unhappy or upset based on my facial expression when I am in fact i’m ok‘ I find that explaining things as and when needed is a good strategy and then either not tell them at all or when you do tell them then they have already some pieces of the puzzle

"Why do people want an autism label?" - I punish myself relentlessly when friends or family are annoyed at me and I am looking puzzled. When they say 'If you don't know why then...' before strutting off leaving me in pain, scared and depressed... If I am confirmed as Autistic then I hope the exchange is them annoyed, then they explain why they are annoyed, I understand and apologise as that was never my intention.... We enjoy the time from there and I am not exhausted for days after,

I don’t know yet whether or not I’m on the sprectrum. Very possible I would say. 

But the night before I went out with someone for the first time, I told her that I could possibly be on the spectrum. Lots of laughs…just conversation. Oh her too! Ok…..Well boy was she assertive. After things didn’t go exactly how she wanted them to, SHE PLACED MY SQUARELY ON THE SPECTRUM! And in not a very nice way. Very hurtful. 

BTW, I mentioned she said she was autistic. I went through the AQ test with her as it only takes a few minutes. She scored 19. So what would she know about it? 

For me, I hover around the mid to high 30’s. Never below 33. I think 42 the first time when I blazed through it. As well as the evidence mounting here. And I’m still not convinced!️ Why do people want an autism label? Not that I’ll think any less of myself if I do nor others that do and I don’t. I mean I guess in this age of having to label everything and everybody, I guess some people need or want one?

All I know is I will NEVER leave myself that vulnerable with what amounted to a stranger ever again. 

In terms of making a complaint, I don't tend to reveal I'm autistic unless it's directly relevant (i.e. my flight was delayed and I had a meltdown because no one gave clear information on why the flight was delayed) because I also "pass" as neurotypical.

I used to be more open, but after some very bad experiences, this is no longer the case. Regardless, no one should be treating you badly because you're autistic, and actually the equality advisory service (EASS) gives letter templates and advice on what to do if a company or service like a supermarket treats you badly and you want to complain.

I often say things like 'i have sensory processing struggles', or, 'please can you repeat that I would benefit from a slower conversation'

Gets around this issue. For me, it is none of their business. But telling them what I struggle with gives them the option to tailor their approach a little

This suprises me. Shows the lack of understanding of the extent of the ASD. I am proud but i wouldnt wish how i have suffered on anyone. 

One day i want to raise more awareness of the effects of undiagnosed autism and encourage people who cant make sense of what is going on with them to seek an assessment. I want the medical proffessionals to be unindated with referrals, because without a duagnosis hiw can we get a true picture of just how many are affected.  I had no idea this was me x