Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello! Thank you in advance for reading, just to let you know I’m 36 female.
I’m feeling a bit lost and finding it difficult to process things. This week I had my autism assessment. I’m already diagnosed with ADHD but since being medicated for that the last 3 years I’ve felt like I may be on the spectrum too. I’ve also been diagnosed with BPD but recently found that I no longer meet the criteria.
The thing is my therapist is also my assessor, as he helps with both ADHD and ASD. The 1st assessment had a 3 hour conversation with me and my mum and it brought up a lot of things that I struggled with that started to make more sense, for example changing from junior school to senior school and how play turned into socialising, he said that my mum also shows signs of autism. The 2nd assessment was weird, there was a few activities to do and I really struggled with some and refused to make up a story with 5 random objects, It was like my mind was blank and I felt all this pressure so I just said no. He said I made good eye contact and I explained that if I don’t try to focus then I can’t hear what you are saying because my mind will wander and I’ll get distracted and it’s polite to look at someone when they talk to you. I also forgot my meds that day so I had to concentrate harder. So it all seems like mixed feedback and I can’t work out what way it will go.
anyway now I have to wait 3-4 weeks for the outcome which I accepted at the time, that was 2 days ago and I’m going out of my mind already, I got sent home from work again because I’m struggling to cope. I tried talking to colleagues but they don’t seem to understand or they brush things off. Work tried to get me to call a councillor but apparently they can’t help me because I already have a therapist. I texted my therapist but hasn’t looked at my text yet that was hours ago. My girlfriend isn’t in the right frame of mind to support me and I feel like a giant weight on her these last weeks with this stress. So here I am typing this out.
I guess what I want to know is how did you guys cope with waiting for an answer? Is there any advice you can give me? I just want to move forward and talk about it instead of pushing it all down and getting stuck in a hobby again because I need to acknowledge it so that when I’m at work I can put my mask back on!thank you
Hello Devlox,
I wont say 'Hope you're well' because you are not .
I waited 3 years for my diagnosis and was diagnosed with ASD in December of 2022. I was told shortly after my referral to Action for ASD by an Autism Psychologist on the Phone that I was Autistic ' I can't give you an official diagnosis but I can tell talking to you that you're Autistic'
'But how do you know ? ' I asked.
'Because of the things you're asking me'
I was under the care of the Community mental health team at the time and was 250 in line to be assessed . So what it did for me was create this little creature that lived in my head rent free constantly saying 'You're Autistic' I like absolute , concrete fact . For me there is only black and white , yes or no , there is nothing in between and not knowing drove me mad !
It reached the point where I said to my care coordinator 'Don't mention it again, when it happens , it happens' So In October of last year Clinical partners took over the work load from Action for ASD because they were overwhelmed and all of a sudden I was sent a mountain of questionnaires out of the blue , I had to set up a Patient Portal and to say I was overwhelmed by this sudden unexpected event is an understatement .
I had two assessments - One was for an hour and the second was for three hours. Like you I had to invent a story using 5 objects ( I picked a butter lamp, Guitar plectrum , biro , a conker and a tea spoon ) I never made eye contact , never greeted the examiner because I was more interested her Pikachu bear , couldn't invent a story to save my life and even failed at another test she inflicted upon me with images from a children's book with no text and I had to create a story from the images.
The second assessment I had to do alone because I didn't have an informant .It lasted about 20 minutes . I never made eye contact because I HATE people looking at me and I never make eye contact . She asked if I played Mummies and Daddies , If I would share a packet of biscuits . I was more interested in talking about guitar saddles and I explained how when I hear music , I can feel it like texture . It was there and then She gave me my diagnosis of Autism but was going to go through the motions.
My advice to you is you are harming yourself emotionally . Get on with your own life . I told my care coordinator that it's like waiting to be executed , the not knowing , the waiting .
Do you think if you get sent home from work again your therapist and a gang of Psychologists and Psychiatrists will carry you home and give you a diagnosis ? you don't matter to them , you're nothing more than a job . They get up in the morning , go through their list and work load , interview , diagnose , discuss , go home to their cats , dogs and family , go to bed and start all over again while you are here suffering .
Don't mention the 'A' word , forget about the 'A' word . I'm sure you have routines , things you enjoy , people you enjoy being with , go and enjoy them . It doesn't matter how you feel emotionally , whichever way it goes wont come any quicker . While you're suffering you're not living , you're trapped in purgatory. There is nothing better than distracting yourself , Surrounding yourself with the things you love and those that love you and completely , totally submerge yourself in them .
I hope you get the result you want but in the meantime be kind to yourself and forget the 'A' word for a while and all this nonsense because you're going to make yourself poorly and that isn't good at all .
Good luck and take care Only you can help you.
I hate waiting. I hate not answered questions and uncertainties. I understand what you are going through and I have no good idea how to help!. I usually get obsessed with the uncertainty or the open question until I find an answer.
What about adding something exciting to you to your life. Something that will keep you busy as planning something like a small trip somewhere. Maybe joining a new class?? Some if them are online for free, they could keep your mind busy in a good way.. maybe spend the time reading more and more about autism, not sure if this would make the obsession any less but still it might help you survive it .. or maybe writing all the thoughts down??.. that could release some of them I guess.. I hope some of those things could help!
Hi Devlox, sorry to hear about your circumstances. I haven't been assessed yet but I'm replying to bump your thread back up to page one and hopefully someone with a bit more knowledge will see.
I completely empathise with feeling like a burden. I've felt the same way with my partner who is also going through his own things right now. It's hard to push back on that feeling. I hope you, like me find some support in this community. It's helped me to talk with people like me.