Just a thought..

Hi everyone, I’m wondering if I should post more for questions and updates like a blog but to reach out and talk to you guys.

I don’t feel too good today, I’m emotional and down, but I’m also shaking and a bit on edge with certain things. But now knowing I have ASD I trying to understand what those feelings go under. Like is it depression, anxiety, autism or something else? I’ve always been told since I was 15 its just anxiety, since I was 12 and 15 years old I was diagnosed. It’s just from a panic attack (it was a chest infection) you rock because your nervous (it was ASD) No one understand the real reasons but me. I just can’t explain what those thoughts and feelings are properly… yet

I struggle daily with objects, sounds, sights and feelings. I never know what to expect and I can find something new about myself good or bad everyday.

Sometimes I’m okay, I’ll deal with it or let it past (slowly) on the other hand I can have a melt down over the smallest of things. And panic at the voices in my head, to the clown that appears in front of me. Im always scared of whats ahead but I try and look at the good things each day instead.

Today was a day of worries and overthinking about little things. But I had a good day at work and kept myself busy. I work in a nursery and everyday is a new surprise. Although it also means everyday is a struggle of the unknown. Which I don’t like so much, I have supportive work friends and friends with the children. But although I love it there, it can become quite loud, overwhelming and unsure about my time there. I struggle with knowing if I’m doing something right or knowing what to say when, even just remembering things is hard and confusing.

Im doing good with my apprenticeship but I’m also unsure if i will continue with my learning there, i don’t know what to do yet…

I just need to do whats best for me - but also what I feel comfortable/ capable of.

Talk about the dogs (Penelope and Tara) Tara being my assistance dog in training. We are doing some training daily although with work and balancing (which I’m bad at) time out its hard to know when to do it. Plus what we can achieve in the space of 10 minutes a day. Im scared, scared I’m not spending enough time with them but also like the time is going too fast. For example we are in May 2023!!! Time is flying and Im not using it wisely enough.

Tara and Penelope are doing good although ruined my couch, i think they are my beautiful girls and learning a lot each day.

Penelope 6 years old, Tara 6 months old.

I guess thats all I want to say so far but I just feel uncomfortable - do you ever feel really uncomfortable and you end up breaking down or having a melt down because you can’t control that emotion/ feeling. I can’t even explain it, it’s just horrible and hard to maintain to keep me calm I think.

Well thats me done for now I guess, talk soon xx