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Cancelling plans last minute due to fear of social aspect

Melanpolly

Hi, recently to many people in my life (my boyfriend, my two closest friends etc, work) I just keep cancelling so last minute because i just think of how exhausting it is having to be around people and mask. It will always be after i’ve talking about it and said i will for like a week, and then finally when it comes down to having to get ready and leave I just feel frozen. 

This makes me feel so bad because i keep disappointing people, just wondering what people here think about it? 

Should i start trying to go anyway or is it a better idea to avoid the situations that i know stress me out? 

Also, does anyone have any tips particularly for female masking - have you ever tried to not mask? What happened? 

Parents

  • I've found through experimentation that there's a maximum number of social hours per week I can sustainably manage. That includes any situation in which I have to speak to someone, so if I had to go to an appointment during the week, it eats into the budget. I count video calls as social time, but not texting.

    Going over budget is a terrible idea that leaves me feeling burned out for several days afterwards, so I'm trying to stop doing it.

    Thinking of it like that helps me to predict what I'll be in the mood for based on how much social time I've had lately. It makes it quantifiable and therefore easier to manage.

    My rule of thumb is I need at least 8 hours alone on any given day, and can manage a maximum of about 8 social hours per week. If I break those rules I know there will be trouble. I might also add that 8 days with no social time whatsoever is about the point I start to feel underpeopled, which is less bad than being overpeopled, but can lead to feelings of melancholy and listlessness.

    In general I dislike agreeing to attend anything that can't go ahead without me, so I always have the option to drop out without ruining anyone's plans.

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  • I've found through experimentation that there's a maximum number of social hours per week I can sustainably manage. That includes any situation in which I have to speak to someone, so if I had to go to an appointment during the week, it eats into the budget. I count video calls as social time, but not texting.

    Going over budget is a terrible idea that leaves me feeling burned out for several days afterwards, so I'm trying to stop doing it.

    Thinking of it like that helps me to predict what I'll be in the mood for based on how much social time I've had lately. It makes it quantifiable and therefore easier to manage.

    My rule of thumb is I need at least 8 hours alone on any given day, and can manage a maximum of about 8 social hours per week. If I break those rules I know there will be trouble. I might also add that 8 days with no social time whatsoever is about the point I start to feel underpeopled, which is less bad than being overpeopled, but can lead to feelings of melancholy and listlessness.

    In general I dislike agreeing to attend anything that can't go ahead without me, so I always have the option to drop out without ruining anyone's plans.

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